California Burgerz, On a winter’s day

In a city where residents are surrounded by delicious food from cultures everywhere, it was almost controversial to hear that a burger place was opening on Bangladesh Avenue. Not just a burger place, but one that uses a Z in its name, and gives homage to the American burger mecca, In N’ Out. California Burgerz was coming.

I was very skeptical initially. Of course, being into this kind of thing, I was also very excited. And, don’t tell anyone this, but I’ve never been to In N’ Out. I know, I know. Someday.  With my traveling shortcomings and my appetite in mind, it was imperative for me to try California Burgerz as soon as possible.

CB opened in winter, inviting us to bask in their sunny California glow and take respite from the bleak Michigan landscape. As we drove the  ten or so blocks to the restaurant, we felt the warmth of California shining on us. The air pulsing with heat, humidity, hollywood boulevard, and a hint of ocean breeze. Of course, it could have just been my car’s heater finally kicking in on the wet winter day, but I choose to believe the alternative.

‘Should have brought a swimsuit’, I thought in my head, before bouncing my car into of a massive pothole and into their parking lot. Tucked away in a strip mall, California Burgerz still manages to be incredibly visible. It’s bright, tiled with a white and red checkered pattern, and very bold. Bright menus, signage, and clean surfaces sparkle at you from every angle. 50’s Rock and roll plays on the stereo, and classic fast food booth and table setup fills most of the rest of the space. I think Phil summed up the aesthetic here pretty effectively: “The halal re-imagining of a selectively nostalgic American ideal.” 

They double down on the California aesthetic with a black and white mural on the far wall, with a collage of things like the Universal studios globe, the Hollywood sign, and LAX for some reason. It could work, but the image is a little odd, and the graphic scaling means it has all sorts of pixelation. The wall next to the entrance is a million times better, being covered with pictures of burgers drawn by local kids. Not only are they amazing pictures, but their presence really show that CB is already taking steps to be a local hangout.

Everyone’s favorite thing about California – LAX.

We could get some logo ideas here.

Owner Hani Omasan, who also owns a used car lot in Hamtramck, echoed that thought when he told Metro Times he wanted to create a space for teenagers to hang out. It seems to be working so far, and brings in teenagers and families looking for a simple and good meal. Others have taken notice, too: CB has blown up in popularity since opening, getting praise from Free Press food critic Mark Kurlyandchik, Local 4 news, local food bloggers, and the Arab American News, among others. That nostalgic-but-new aesthetic is drawing people in, and the food is cementing it.

Along with their nostalgic look, the menu is simple – ten burger choices and one chicken sandwich. Sliders, big burgers, giant burgers, a veggie burger, and a turkey burger round out the choices so you can invite everyone with different dietary needs. The menu and signage note that all their burgers are cooked well done. For a pub style burger, or one at a place like Brome, that’s inexcusable. For a thin diner style patty like CB has, that’s just fine.

Collecting our bearings after braving the cold.

If you’re familiar with In N’ Out’s animal-style menu items, then you won’t be too surprised to find that CB has their “Gorilla” items instead. While they aren’t exactly the same thing- an Animal style burger at In N’ Out means a burger grilled in mustard and topped with thousand island and grilled onions, and CB does not mustard-grill their patties while switching the standard bun for a pretzel bun. The gorilla branding tells you exactly what they are aiming for, and it works. For a relatively simple menu, the Gorilla style adds a unique flair.

Ordering is quick, and after you’re given a number for your food you’ll have to wait five or ten minutes, as they make everything to order. With ten of us, our orders all came out within 15 minutes and we covered most of the menu selection. I got the double CB burger with grilled onions instead of raw, hoping for a simple burger to highlight the restaurant’s strengths. Their standard toppings include lettuce, tomato, onions, pickles, american cheese, and CB sauce, all served on a brioche bun. The CB sauce is a mayo based sauce not unlike thousand island dressing – savory and a little sweet. It a simple combination of ingredients for a simple burger.

This burger looks really nice.

I was very enthusiastic about this burger. I continue to be enthusiastic about this burger. It looked perfect wrapped in paper, and the cross section was almost as impressive. It worked well with its balance of acidity from the pickles, sweetness from the sauce, salt and umami from the patty, onions and cheese, and texture with the tomato and lettuce. There was more color in the patty than I expected, which was a nice surprise, and the meat tasted fresh, although not overflowing with flavor.

It does what it sets out to do – it’s a simple burger cooked on a flattop and combined with good ingredients, sold at a reasonable price point. As most of us can attest, it’s easy to find this type of diner burger that is dry, flavorless, and boring. CB’s burgers are juicy and filled with flavor. Their burgers emulate the In N’ Out style in a way that appeals to locals with unique dietary needs. And most importantly,they are very tasty.

The only thing that I thought was a little lacking was the bun, which was be a bit dry, and I would have preferred a potato roll to add some chew and some sweetness. Ordering the pretzel bun, which I’ve done upon returning, alleviates the issue pretty well. While I haven’t tried the bacon here, it is beef bacon, as is to be expected in a halal restaurant, and others who tried it reported it was very good.

Beyond the burgers, CB recognizes the importance of the sides, and the importance of a good french fry to pair with a burger. In their recognition of the almighty potato, they have managed to break ground on an entirely different kind of french fry. Their curvy fries, which are thick, crispy, as curvy as described, provide a crispy, salty, and spicy contrast to the burgers. On this visit, they were slightly under seasoned, which felt like eating warm chunks of boiled potato. Luckily, this isn’t always an issue, and return visits have yielded beautiful batches of these weirdo fried potatoes.

Gorilla Fries, filling and overwhelming.

check out that seasoning.

If the big curvy fries aren’t for you, they have regular fries on the menu as well, or you can opt for their Gorilla Fries, which follow the animal style formula – they’re curvy fries topped with loads of cheese, CB sauce, and grilled onions. They are absolutely packed with calories and fat, but taste great. I wouldn’t eat an order to myself unless I was having an especially gluttonous day.

They do a lot of things well here, and I’ve been back several times since my initial visit. The food is consistently good and the service is very friendly. Hani, the owner, came and talked to our group as we left, asking for suggestions and comments on the restaurant. While we might not see arcade machines taking up some of the extra space in the restaurant, I do expect to see the space evolve over time. The Hamtramck community will decide over time what California Burgerz’ place is, and I hope it remains as it is – a clean, affordable, and solid place to get a good burger with your family and friends.

Ratings:
Music Report: 50’s rock and roll, in a setting where you don’t expect 50’s rock and roll.
Burger: 4.091
Service: 4.18
Atmosphere: 4.58
Value: 4.30
Overall Rating: 4.26 <—- Our New Top Ranking!

Alexandria – “Music was really great!!” 4/5
Alex – “The water cups were the tiniest thing on planet Earth. It’s my first BC, I can’t rate it THAT high. “ 4/5
Bonnie – “We took a pic with the owner! Glad I tried the gorilla fries, but I won’t get them again unless I share with lots of people. Great burger!” – 5/5
Carl “H” – “The fries were passable. The gorilla fries were impressive looking” 4/5″
Erik – “A halal version of an American past that never existed. Patty is good, not great, but works great with the toppings on texture, ingredients, umami, and acidity from the pickles.” 4.5/5
Frank –  “I like the clean, friendly feel of the place. Tasty, decent burger.” 4/5
Jack – “Music could vary if the wait is going to be that. slow.” 4/5
Phil –  -Who are the children whose drawings adorn these walls?
-Cruisin’ Classics! Jukebox Hits! 60’s Teen Dream Rockers!
-The halal reimagining of a selectively nostalgic American ideal.
-Heavy food for teenage stomachs. Good thing it tastes good. 4/5
Summer – “Kids’ drawings on the wall were a nice added touch. Wish I had crayons. Chocolate shake was good. Tasted like Hershey’s syrup. Lacks on graphic design of logo.” 3.5/5

 

California Burgerz
12045 Conant Street
​Hamtramck, MI 48212
Mon-Sat 11am-11pm
Sun 12pm-11pm
​(313) 703-8000

Redcoat Tavern Serves Up Existential Affirmation, Dejection, & Angst. Also, Burgers.

“Why Are We Here?” & “What Do I Want?” are More Than Intellectual Navel Gazing at Royal Oak’s Redcoat Tavern

by David Tibergien

 

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Approaching Redcoat Tavern northbound on a sparely developed suburban stretch of Woodward Avenue in Oakland County, I actively scanned the East and West for something that might inspire me to return to the area at a time I wasn’t hungry.

It felt obvious that even if they scored well on every other MCBC metric, Redcoat Tavern would be defined largely by its location.

The parking lot, accessed from across a roadside pumpkin/hay-bale/decorative gourd pop-up, was unusually cramped for such an uncongested part of Royal Oak.

Vehicles in Redcoat’s lot included a red Mercedes-Benz convertible, a BMW 7-Series, and premium Cadillac and Lincoln models. This had been the first clue about Redcoat’s Clientele: They are affluent and didn’t walk, either because they are too old or because the area is pedestrian-hostile.

Thanks to Google Maps, clear Mid-October weather, and a superior playlist that facilitated superb driving, I arrived nearly an hour before everyone else.

I explored the area, lurching by foot north on Woodward along an unnavigable plane of unplanned suburban sprawl.

After passing a Sprint Store, Vitamin Shoppe, Pier 1 Imports, and Potbelly Sandwich Shop, I arrived at Joe’s Army Navy, a surplus store filled with older teens and young adults piecing together Halloween costumes.

After considering that a USAF coverall flight-suit might be a great start toward masquerading as a Ghostbuster, I realized that the next generation of Ghostbusters will be women and I’m not confident I’d pull off drag.

I lost my enthusiasm and went back to Redcoat to sit at the bar.

Inside, patrons are rescued from the darkness only by an enveloping crimson glow one imagines Lucifer might use to set the mood when he wants to get laid.  Also, the glow of College Football from several large televisions. 

Quilted vinyl booths, normally seen at Italian restaurants in crime dramas starring short-fused mobsters who tip generously. (Photo by David Tibergien)

“The dark reddish hue inside was too much for me on a sunny day. It felt like being inside a casino with a lack of natural light,” said Dave, and automobile sales representative from Royal Oak.

A pair of married women free of their young children sat at the bar. They each looked as though they rode up in one of the more posh vehicles I’d noticed in the lot. They ordered burgers and particularly expensive bottles of beer some time before they were joined by their husbands.

The bartender was the sort you encounter in a high-end steakhouse: older, male, knowledgeable, and lightly conversational. After he overheard me telling Erik that I’d found Southern Tier’s Pumking to be a rare miss for the Lakewood, NY brewery, the bartender asked me if I had tried their Harvest Ale. I reported that I hadn’t, and he was ready with a sample within seconds, which compelled me to enjoy a full pint.

“It’s rare for a bartender to offer a sample without an explicit questioning,” said Erik,  Motor City Burger Club co-founder. “Especially at a bar that is not especially known for their draft list.”

When more of MCBC arrived, we were seated seven feet from the bar at fused tables.

This was slightly disappointing given the allure of Redcoat’s plush, quilted vinyl booths. This is an upholstery one usually sees at Italian restaurants in crime dramas starring short-fused mobsters who tip generously.

Unfortunately, College Football Saturday is a poor time to be picky about seating at this place. In fact, MCBC was extraordinarily lucky to eat within two-and-a-half hours of our arrival, as Redcoat is notorious for wait times so long, no food or drink is worth it.

“No Menu Is Complete Enough To Prevent Your Will From Being Thwarted By Countless, Inconceivable Antecedents” – Dave Thomas, Founder of Wendy’s.

 

It might be advisable to go to Redcoat at its busiest, because you’ll need some time to choose between: two vegan-hostile proteins, three patties, six varieties of bun, seven sauces, nine cheeses, and 12 produce toppings. Plus “blackened”, which is counted as a topping, but doesn’t fit into any category above.

Erik worked out the math, and Motor City Burger Club can verify that works out to 206,158,430,208 potential combinations. [(λ = σ²_∗/ ( σ²_η + σ²_∗)}

This might appeal to a lot of people who feel like the maximum number of choices will result in the greatest amount of satisfaction for the most amount of people. However, science tells us otherwise.

Constructing a burger from their vast, disparate choices on a poorly designed menu can take time, exhaust your creative imagination, and disrupt your executive function. In effect, Redcoat is assuring the unhappiness of it customers.

Redcoat’s Burger Menu Could Use Some Expert Document Design (Photo by Erik Mitchell)

If you don’t go into Redcoat Tavern with some idea of what you want, you may require expensive and painful mental health counseling before you can resume a normal, functioning life. But, that isn’t the only problem here.

“They do not list burger add-on prices,it just says, ‘some items have an extra charge’. As a very cheap person, this is frustrating,” said Sala, a Hazel Park Account Executive. “But they did not skimp on the ranch.”

I nearly gave up on constructing the Diable Franco Déjeuner , and capitulated to the easy choice of the Brasserie Burger, Redcoat’s signature.

With Erik’s encouragement, I saw it through. I’m glad I did, because I was able to fashion an unusual and satisfying gastric assemblage against the odds.

Ghost Pepper Cheese, Over-Medium Fried Egg, Watercress, and Bacon on French baguette.

The baguette was fresh and perfectly toasted, the ghost pepper cheese had legitimate heat, and the toppings were fresh and high quality.

Unfortunately, my satisfaction wasn’t shared by all of MCBC.

“The burger had problems with construction. It did not stay together. The bun was not toasted and the bottom bun was soggy,” said Carl, a CAD Designer from Hamtramck. “The toppings and cheese carried the burger to a favorable rating.”

The Story of Carl’s Structurally Unsound Brasserie Burger (Photo by David Tibergien)

Erik had good things to say about his Clam Chowder, which you can read in his upcoming post on this other blog.

Redcoat’s traditional burger accompaniments are split. The onion rings appeared to be prepared from scratch on premises. Erik reports that this is also true of the ranch dressing, which was popular for dipping because most of MCBC is from the Midwest.

Redcoat’s sweet potato fries were praised while their traditional fries were thin, pale, and uninteresting. However, they did allow me a generous portion of mayonnaise.

Redcoat’s Onion Rings won favorable reviews, however several of our members felt they were too salty.

“One’s burger always comes too soon or too late. And yet, burgers are there, finished: the line is drawn, and it must all be added up. You are nothing other than your burger” – Amanda, our server.

 

Before going to Redcoat Tavern, I solicited opinions from a number of people who were better acquainted. Almost everyone gave a response akin to, “Redcoat? Yeah, the food is good, but –”. And then they couldn’t finish the thought.

For me, it’s this: The food is good, but that location. Not crazy about the crowd either.

If I hadn’t brought MCBC with me, I would have contended exclusively with aging bros and their parents, wives, and children –folks who looked not only as though they were Donald Trump voters, but that they might be biologically related to him as well.

Symbolically Cutting Baby Beelzebub’s Umbilical Cord

 

It’s important to mention Motor City Burger Club rated this place very highly. The burgers themselves ranked 2/15 and an overall ranking of 3/15.

That doesn’t surprise me, because everything is good, but– I don’t think when members score on “Likelihood of Returning” that it is the same as praise for the location, which I think should be a separate metric.

However, if Redcoat’s location were a problem for most of MCBC, it would have come through the scores or their sentiment.  I think it sucks, no one else cares. Almost no one.

“The issue with the location isn’t that unusual in Metro Detroit and there are a lot of things worth going out of the way for,” said Erik. “For me, it’s not worth driving to the suburbs to wait in line for the usual 20-60 minutes for what they offer, but it’s a good place to bring my family when they visit”.

As though the place wasn’t distressing enough.

Ratings:

Burger: 4.17
Service: 4.58
Atmosphere: 3.77
Value: 3.83
Overall Rating: 4.076

 

Bonnie – 4/5
Carl – 3.75/5
Dave C – 5/5
David T – 4/5
Erik – 4/5
Sala – 4/5

Photo by Erik Mitchell

Redcoat Tavern
31452 Woodward Ave.
Royal Oak, MI 48073
(248) 549-0300