Applebee’s, and a Reflection of What We Are

We went to the 8 Mile Applebees last weekend. For a blog that purports to find the best burgers in town, we went to a place not locally owned, with low critical scores, and spent our hard-earned money on food we expected would not be good.

Why? Because Applebee’s means something. Especially this one. It opened just about two years ago, in 2015, and joined the first Meijer in Detroit in making a statement about where and what Detroit is. It was symbolic – major chains were willing to move to the city, to give the people there what they were asking for, and to increase access to affordable food for families. And with the hype of the combination IHOP-Applebee’s opening near downtown, the casual dining chain with over 2000 locations continues to mean something to the city of Detroit.

While Applebee’s still has means something to Detroit, over 100 of their nationwide locations are closing soon, due to lack of consumer interest and changing market forces, like I’ve discussed in my past Shake Shack entry. Millenials just aren’t interested in what Applebee’s, TGI Friday’s, and similar restaurants have to offer.  But what are they (and we) missing out on, by turning our noses up at it?

We’ve All Been There

Applebee’s is a restaurant that I probably don’t have to describe to most of middle America. Everyone’s been there (and by there I mean any one of their 2000+ locations). During their boom in the 90s they became gathering spots in the suburban United States for families looking to get out of the house and feed their families. Most of us probably have memories of eating at Applebee’s with our families and extended families, for birthday parties and informal get-togethers.

The interchangeable nature of Applebee’s restaurants is something they heavily bank on. To pull into a restaurant, know exactly what you can order and what it will look like,  no matter where you are in the country, is a convenience and a resource for many, especially those with specific tastebuds or finicky children. Some may see it as a beacon of light amongst shady looking local diners. and the bottom line, really, is that a lot of people really enjoy it. Who are we to say that’s wrong?

While we’ve been discussing a visit for burger club since they opened, we finally got ourselves together to go. And while we might not have expected much going in, we gave it a fair shot.

Deja Vu?

It looks, unsurprisingly, like an Applebee’s. Although I haven’t been in an Applebee’s in probably a decade, it is hauntingly comforting and familiar in its layout. While this Applebee’s in particular has taken a more sparse decorating strategy than franchises may have in the past, the decor they do have is focused on Detroit high schools, universities, and sports. It’s a nice touch that really does make it feel like the restaurant gives homage to its locale, even if it is a little forced.

These spaces are well designed and marketed for ultimate comfort, in theory. The tables are far enough away from each other that conversations feel personal and you’re not encroaching upon anyone else. What we found, however, was that this setup means you have to sacrifice a bit of your own space for the comfort of everyone. The booth we sat in that looked like it would fit 8 was actually meant for 6, and even with six the table was a little too high and too close to the booth (not to mention that our table was wobbly and immediately drove me nuts). It felt cramped.

There were only two waitresses when we got there, and a ton of empty tables, as several families waited to sit down. This is understandable and I appreciate the host’s willingness to explain this. It still seemed odd, as an extra waitress at that time could have been warranted with the three families waiting for tables, and the crowd starting to pick up around 3 pm.

Our server, Lakieshia, was very nice, although she was maybe a little bored with working at Applebee’s, and did a great job. Though the service seemed a bit slow, due to the lack of waitresses, she brought us extra stuff (cups of condiments, mostly) on more than one occasion, and fixed the mistakes that occurred.

Chicken Wonton Tacos – Looked good and tasted good!

The Product

Their menu includes a number of dinner value meals, which include appetizer, two entrees (from a small list) and dessert. For $25, this is not a bad deal at all, and a couple can go all out and leave the restaurant for under forty or fifty dollars. Appetizers seem to flow freely, and three of us got free appetizers for checking in with the yelp app- coupons and specials are common in newspapers as well.

They also have a regular menu, and a burger section that runs the  gamut from classic and boring to inventive and interesting. I was very impressed with the choices: the All-day Brunch burger, which may suit the gastropub crowd,  has bacon, hash browns, and a fried egg on top; The caprese mozzarella burger has grilled tomato slices and red onion along with fresh mozzarella and basil; the whisky bacon burger has smoked bacon, crispy onions, pepper jack cheese, and Fireball Whiskey infused steak sauce.

Ok, I was impressed until I read “Fireball whiskey infused steak sauce”, and then I put my expectations in check.

Enticed and tantalized by Fireball Whiskey infused steak sauce, Sean and Scott could not resist the whisky bacon burger.

I ordered the caprese mozzarella burger, hoping to get something interesting. What I found out when I ordered, though, is that their rareness system consists of two meager and meaningless choices: pink or no pink. I understand this is a dumbed down system and it is meant to make ordering easier for folks that don’t care. However, in practice it is useless – ‘pink’ vs. ‘no pink’ seemed to have no difference for anyone in the group, pinks were less pink than no pinks, and we had folks in the group adding more adjectives onto the already bad system trying to shoehorn this abysmal system into the regular rare to well done spectrum we all know. I imagine they weren’t too surprised when their “a little pink” and “as pink as possible” didn’t yield any different results.

I might venture a guess that most eaters at this point in time know the difference between a medium rare and a well done, but even those that don’t could be guided by a simple chart on the menu with what the various degrees mean. Implementing a change like this would require the cooks to be on their game and pay attention to cooking times or temperatures, but the quality of their burgers would rise dramatically – and people tend to notice a good burger.

Burger lineup, including Alice’s sadly un-topped burger.

The Reveal

You’ll hear stories about how heavily microwaves are used in chain restaurants. I cannot confirm or deny this, but I have had friends who worked in these types of kitchens, and they claim much of the food comes packaged and ready to cook in whatever way their test kitchens deemed the most consistent. When you’re at Applebee’s, you won’t expect a fresh hand-formed patty of beef from a local meat purveyor, but they will go out of their way to make it look like it is.

The same thing is true about their appetizers. They are mostly preformed (or parcooked) things with simple recipes. That’s just fine – the wings are wings and will taste good. the wonton tacos I shared with Alice were crispy and tasty, designed to look like a lot more work went into them, and the spinach dip was exactly as described. I really can’t say anything bad about the appetizers, as they were plentiful and there are so many deals to get an appetizer for free or next to free. I also have good things to say about the fries (and sweet potato fries) that came with our burgers- they were crispy, seasoned right, and more than did the job.

The burgers? Well, don’t get your hopes up. You’ll say “yeah this is a burger” and eat it and be fine with it. But you’re not going to go home and talk about it to your friends. The price was great, again, but I’ve been to many places with far higher quality burgers at the same price point (Motor City Sports Bar, House of Shamrocks, Mt. Chalet, Redcoat, etc.). As I said earlier, the doneness levels were all basically the same, with just the slightest hint of pink for most of us, and inconsistency with what the table asked for. Disappointing. The patty was bland and underseasoned. It had a good texture and crumbled appropriately but was not incredibly juicy. The buns were incredibly sad and dry. Basically, it included all the marks of a burger purveyor that doesn’t get it.

My caprese burger was ridiculous. A bad design and a bad execution. Two stacks of one inch thick red onion slices grilled, with mozzarella on top and grilled tomato in the middle of the two stacks. WAY too much onion. One stack would have been too much! If they were half as big, I could have dealt with it. I pulled one stack off and barely made it through the other. The tomato and mozzarella worked as ingredients, but the burger still ended up dry, and I asked for some mayo to make up for it. I don’t eat that many burgers, so going out of my way for a burger like this is a true disappointment.

Alice got hers delivered without any toppings. Baffling. The waitress, to her credit, fixed it pretty quickly, but I don’t know how the mix-up occurred. Alice was sitting in front of her unadorned patty while the rest of us dug in. Bonnie ate the also ridiculous quesadilla burger, which I tried, and it delivered as expected (a burger with southwest flavors between two quesadillas) but it is maybe a holdover from the late aughts’ obsession with piling too many greasy cheesy things on top of each other and calling it good food.

Good texture. Dry bun. Bland patty.

Was it Worth it?

As usual, we had a good time and it was an interesting experience. It’s clear why some people like Applebee’s and similar chain restaurants – they have cheap prices, consistency of menus, and they are a good place to share a meal with a group of people in a very unpretentious way. I’m not going to knock anyone for that. Sala texted me after we left, and said “I Just got two coffees for price of an entree and app at applebees.” That’s not a thing to shrug off.

But it really just isn’t for me. The only thing I’d come back for, by choice, would be the cheap and good appetizers and a happy hour drink. They do that well. Their immediately recognizable and welcoming atmosphere even works on me, in some ways.

But, as it stands, their meals are just not that good. Sorry, Applebees. I’d love if it was a place that had a consistently good, even great burger, and it is absolutely not beyond the scope of this giant corporation to do that. And I’m betting that people would respond to a really good burger, without too much Millenial-focused marketing which we are accustomed to, and bored of, and doesn’t work that well. Go to Applebee’s, and if you like it, I won’t hold it against you! But I might have some other, more local suggestions for you (check the sidebar).

Ratings:

Music Report: was there even music? So generic I didn’t notice.
Burger: 2.96
Service: 4.03
Atmosphere: 3.75
Value: 3
Overall Rating: 3.322

Alice –  “I may have been too generous with this rating.” 4/5
Arthur – “Appetizers were a 5/5 because they were free” 2/5
Bonnie – “I feel good about the free app. Now I know what a quesadilla burger tastes like – I didn’t hate it.” 3/5
Erik – “I’d come for the apps, they were cheap and good. The entrees suck. This wobbly table is the worst.” 2.5/5
Sala – “Very unhappy with how cramped the booths were. Loved the apps (that they were free).” 3/5
Scott – “It works for the price. They have a snapchat filter.”4/5
Sean – “It was great to share this burger club experience with my friends and to share a 2 for 20 meal with my brother-in-law. The food and experience is what you come to expect from an Applebee’s. I ordered hot wings with blue cheese, got boneless BBQ wings with ranch.” 2/5

Applebee’s
2111 W. 8 Mile Rd.
Detroit, MI 48203
(313) 586-5980
Open 11 am- 12 am Sun-Thurs
11 am – 1 am Fri-Sat