Honest ? John’s Bar and No Grill

Honest John’s has been sitting in the collective unconscious for generations and has solidified in solid form on Selden street. A well-stocked jukebox, pool tables, wood paneling on the walls and huge booths fulfill some primal need and hint at a rougher past. Bathrooms walls covered in poorly scrawled graffiti remind you that you are one in a long line of weird or sauced-up customers, much like many bars of Hamtramck we know and love. Sliced-up half barrel kegs provide lighting, neon signs remind you that “MEN LIE”, “SOBRIETY SUCKS”, and to “COUNT YOUR CHANGE” (wisdom that your dead grandfather might give you).

This blurry photo is an approximation of how you will perceive John’s on a Sunday morning.

This midtown bar/restaurant sits a bit away from the other bars, facing an empty lot and a lot of trees on Selden. It carries a lot of significance for Wayne students and hungover Detroiters, including myself. Most of the club had been there for brunches and drinks, generally to imbibe in the hair of the dog, but had not sampled their lunch fare.

As it was afternoon after a Saturday night, we had to get drinks. The prices were decent – draft selections were all about $5 per pint, domestics were a bit cheaper. Nothing out the ordinary here. Scott took the opportunity to order a screwdriver, because he had “never not ordered one” when at Honest John’s. Habits are hard to break, sometimes.

Mark hears voices calling him back to Canada. Phil can’t hear it.

Of course, we came here for the main event – the burgers. The menu at Honest John’s is actually pretty big – ranging from breakfast to full entrees. A miniscule part of this menu is the burgers. Their burger selection is small and a little confusing in content: The ground round is listed, A-OK. That’s a burger. Patty melt? That might be a point of contention. Turkey burger? Fine. But clearly a steak sandwich and a bbq grinder aren’t hamburgers, and I might fight you about it.

Trying to fill out your menu, John? Make up a couple weird combinations of toppings for your burgers and call them specialties.

Your vegetarian friends will have no problem eating at Honest John’s, as part of the menu is corded off for vegetarian entrees only. The black bean burger as well as a garden burger are located over here (and again, could be included in the burger menu). This is one of the few times we didn’t bring a vegetarian with us, so you’ll have to find out if they’re good for yourself (or leave a comment!).

Alright, so back to the burgers. The base model is $7. On top of this, you can add whatever toppings you want. I opted for grilled onions, plus provolone cheese. Scott wanted some kind of reuben thing, so he got coleslaw, swiss and 1000 island dressing. These weren’t listed toppings, but the server didn’t flinch when he ordered them, and the price wasn’t ridiculous.

I always order pub burgers medium rare, this was no exception. Unfortunately for me, the burger was unevenly cooked, and half of it was medium. I realize that hotspots do exist on grills, but cooks should be able to compensate. Others had similar doneness issues. I hope this isn’t a recurring problem here.

sad toppings everywhere.

The topping quality was poor. I ordered grilled onions, I received a meager portion. My tomato was sad, and the lettuce had browning edges (but was still crisp). I was pretty unimpressed with my burger. It was useful for fulfilling a burger craving, but did not exceed any expectations. Fortunately, the fries were good, as were the drinks, and I wouldn’t hesitate to order more of either while at Honest John’s.

I’ve found reasons to come back to Honest John’s, and have done so. The service, the huge booths, the intimate but relaxed setting, the drink prices, and brunch are all an excellent reason for a trip. But if you’re looking for the best burger, keep looking.

RATINGS:

Burger: 3.56
Service: 4.25
Atmosphere: 3.83
Value: 3.43
Overall Rating:  3.74

 

Erik: “Even when crowded, you have a seclusion of sorts. The huge booths are sweet!” 4/5

Scott:

“Honest John’s Burger

Made like a reuben sandwich

I ate, said ‘Not bad!’”

4/5

Phil: “This burger totally ruled. It might have been on par with Cutter’s, but I drank too much beer before judging this one.” 4/5

Mark: “My hamburger was good. Nothing special to be honest. I liked it, but I enjoyed the atmosphere of the bar more than anything.” 4/5

 

Honest John’s Bar and No Grill, Inc.

488 Selden St, Detroit, MI 48201

(313) 832-5646

(Photo credits to Erik)