Checker Bar

At some point in our lives, I think everyone experiences a moment where they realize that their parents aren’t gods, and they’re just as flawed as we are. You’ll wake up from a 16-year-old wet dream about the cute girl in class, stumble downstairs for sugary cereal, and find your father standing next to the fridge, shirtless, holding the carcass of a chicken that he is cleaning off with his teeth. You’ll find your mother, normally pristine and orderly, coming home a bit drunk and hugging you too much before saying embarrassing things about your former toilet training habits or the way you liked to run around naked in front of guests.

Checker Bar feels like the place that all of these things might start. The death of innocence, the segue into maturity, the brief indescribable moment where childhood ends and we realize that we’ll probably be alright anyway.

Opening the doors of Checker, you’ll feel a puff of musty air hit your face. The smells and memories of thousands of cigarettes smoked, beers spilled on the floor, and the conversations of our grandparents lingering in the atmosphere. The decor matches the feeling of nostalgia. Edison bulbs, obviously checkered tabletops, a long wooden bar, some stuff on the wall, wood paneling, a slew of pinball and arcade machines and a kitchen hidden from view. Honestly, it’s not too far away from what Pizza Hut used to look like – and let’s not even get into the embarrassing memories that came out of there.

In the middle of a hot Southeast Michigan summer, you might already feel like you’re less than half alive. Take a trip in to Checker’s on a Sunday afternoon, like the three of us did, and you’ll have to pinch yourself to make sure you’re still going. Customers float around like tortured ghosts, and the bartender, while nice enough, serves some perverted metaphor of apathy with your draft beer that will make you feel like you’re in a waiting room to hell. With that said, their beer selection will cool you down, with a good selection of national (no emphasis on regional, unfortunately) craft beers for good prices.

The menu goes along the same lines – simple offerings, good prices, great weekday specials. You can get out of here at a normal time for under ten dollars for a filling meal, or you can spend a little more and get something more unique. The $6.25 Checker Burger, topped with lettuce, tomato, and onion, is a classic choice. Cheese is an extra $.75. They also offer a blue cheese burger, a patty melt, a turkey burger, and a lamb burger – and additional toppings can be put on anything. A very simple menu allows for infinite combinations, all presented on a wrinkled paper menu. All patties are 1/3 pound, which is just enough to be filling without being gluttonous (but you can get a half pound patty for a couple extra dollars).

There’s also hot dogs, sandwiches, and sloppy joes on the menu, if you really want to find some mimicry of your parents’ Midwestern upbringing in your food. Fries, tots, onion rings, and slaw round out Checker’s sides menu,and a “Snacks” portion could hold you over until you just give in and order something more substantial.

Service was pretty fast, despite the apathy, and we didn’t have to wait long for our food. When you spend a lot of time worrying about the imminent heat death of the universe, time is not meant to be wasted. I ordered the checker burger with blue cheese. Mark got the blues burger, expecting something similar, and not noticing the odd inclusion of barbecue sauce. He wasn’t pleased.

Burgers were cooked as ordered, and my medium rare was actually medium rare. The seasoning was simple, and the patties came out not very charred, but still juicy – exactly what you’d expect from a bar with old-school charm, made with high quality ingredients and purporting to be a classic.The buns were weak, boring, heartless. Mine almost fell apart, due to lack of toasting or too airy of a crumb. Burger purveyors: please find something in between a cheap fluffy bun and brioche. Nobody likes a juicy meal to fall apart, and simple doesn’t have to mean poorly constructed.

Although everything in Checker Bar feels like it’s old (except the food, fortunately), they also embrace more retro-modern pasttimes. The upstairs space often hosts pop up dining and other events, there is a monthly BYOV (Bring Your Own Vinyl) night, and Offworld Arcade regularly brings a number of arcade cabinets to the bar for $5 free play all night. It provides an often strange and interesting night at the bar, miles away in atmosphere from downtown’s typical sports bars and Greektown tourist bars.

As we left, seeking another respite from the scorching sun, we glanced back at the bar. It was easy to put our pasts behind us, having lived full childhoods within the space of a couple hours, and coming out dazed with the unfortunate responsibilities of adulthood. I know, it all sounds really uncomfortable. However, there’s something comforting about one fact: we can go and revisit that past at any time we want.

This post is approved by Checker Bar’s giant burger.

Ratings:

Burger: 3.89
Service: 4.08
Atmosphere: 4.06
Value: 3.78
Overall Rating: 3.94

Erik: “I was a little depressed by the mostly-empty bar, but I imagine it would be cool during an event. The food was solid. Ground beef was excellent, and the bun didn’t fall apart, but it would have if the burger had wetter toppings. ” 4.5/5

Mark: “I don’t like BBQ sauce, and I should have customized my burger. I like vegetables, and there weren’t any on the burger I ordered. Fries were A+.” 3/5  

Brett: “This is a place I would definitely return to. The food, value, and scenery meld well together. I had a delicious burger in a cool spot. Definitely worth the time and price.” 4/5

Checker Bar Detroit
124 Cadillac Square
Detroit, MI 48226
(313) 961-9249