Applebee’s, and a Reflection of What We Are

We went to the 8 Mile Applebees last weekend. For a blog that purports to find the best burgers in town, we went to a place not locally owned, with low critical scores, and spent our hard-earned money on food we expected would not be good.

Why? Because Applebee’s means something. Especially this one. It opened just about two years ago, in 2015, and joined the first Meijer in Detroit in making a statement about where and what Detroit is. It was symbolic – major chains were willing to move to the city, to give the people there what they were asking for, and to increase access to affordable food for families. And with the hype of the combination IHOP-Applebee’s opening near downtown, the casual dining chain with over 2000 locations continues to mean something to the city of Detroit.

While Applebee’s still has means something to Detroit, over 100 of their nationwide locations are closing soon, due to lack of consumer interest and changing market forces, like I’ve discussed in my past Shake Shack entry. Millenials just aren’t interested in what Applebee’s, TGI Friday’s, and similar restaurants have to offer.  But what are they (and we) missing out on, by turning our noses up at it?

We’ve All Been There

Applebee’s is a restaurant that I probably don’t have to describe to most of middle America. Everyone’s been there (and by there I mean any one of their 2000+ locations). During their boom in the 90s they became gathering spots in the suburban United States for families looking to get out of the house and feed their families. Most of us probably have memories of eating at Applebee’s with our families and extended families, for birthday parties and informal get-togethers.

The interchangeable nature of Applebee’s restaurants is something they heavily bank on. To pull into a restaurant, know exactly what you can order and what it will look like,  no matter where you are in the country, is a convenience and a resource for many, especially those with specific tastebuds or finicky children. Some may see it as a beacon of light amongst shady looking local diners. and the bottom line, really, is that a lot of people really enjoy it. Who are we to say that’s wrong?

While we’ve been discussing a visit for burger club since they opened, we finally got ourselves together to go. And while we might not have expected much going in, we gave it a fair shot.

Deja Vu?

It looks, unsurprisingly, like an Applebee’s. Although I haven’t been in an Applebee’s in probably a decade, it is hauntingly comforting and familiar in its layout. While this Applebee’s in particular has taken a more sparse decorating strategy than franchises may have in the past, the decor they do have is focused on Detroit high schools, universities, and sports. It’s a nice touch that really does make it feel like the restaurant gives homage to its locale, even if it is a little forced.

These spaces are well designed and marketed for ultimate comfort, in theory. The tables are far enough away from each other that conversations feel personal and you’re not encroaching upon anyone else. What we found, however, was that this setup means you have to sacrifice a bit of your own space for the comfort of everyone. The booth we sat in that looked like it would fit 8 was actually meant for 6, and even with six the table was a little too high and too close to the booth (not to mention that our table was wobbly and immediately drove me nuts). It felt cramped.

There were only two waitresses when we got there, and a ton of empty tables, as several families waited to sit down. This is understandable and I appreciate the host’s willingness to explain this. It still seemed odd, as an extra waitress at that time could have been warranted with the three families waiting for tables, and the crowd starting to pick up around 3 pm.

Our server, Lakieshia, was very nice, although she was maybe a little bored with working at Applebee’s, and did a great job. Though the service seemed a bit slow, due to the lack of waitresses, she brought us extra stuff (cups of condiments, mostly) on more than one occasion, and fixed the mistakes that occurred.

Chicken Wonton Tacos – Looked good and tasted good!

The Product

Their menu includes a number of dinner value meals, which include appetizer, two entrees (from a small list) and dessert. For $25, this is not a bad deal at all, and a couple can go all out and leave the restaurant for under forty or fifty dollars. Appetizers seem to flow freely, and three of us got free appetizers for checking in with the yelp app- coupons and specials are common in newspapers as well.

They also have a regular menu, and a burger section that runs the  gamut from classic and boring to inventive and interesting. I was very impressed with the choices: the All-day Brunch burger, which may suit the gastropub crowd,  has bacon, hash browns, and a fried egg on top; The caprese mozzarella burger has grilled tomato slices and red onion along with fresh mozzarella and basil; the whisky bacon burger has smoked bacon, crispy onions, pepper jack cheese, and Fireball Whiskey infused steak sauce.

Ok, I was impressed until I read “Fireball whiskey infused steak sauce”, and then I put my expectations in check.

Enticed and tantalized by Fireball Whiskey infused steak sauce, Sean and Scott could not resist the whisky bacon burger.

I ordered the caprese mozzarella burger, hoping to get something interesting. What I found out when I ordered, though, is that their rareness system consists of two meager and meaningless choices: pink or no pink. I understand this is a dumbed down system and it is meant to make ordering easier for folks that don’t care. However, in practice it is useless – ‘pink’ vs. ‘no pink’ seemed to have no difference for anyone in the group, pinks were less pink than no pinks, and we had folks in the group adding more adjectives onto the already bad system trying to shoehorn this abysmal system into the regular rare to well done spectrum we all know. I imagine they weren’t too surprised when their “a little pink” and “as pink as possible” didn’t yield any different results.

I might venture a guess that most eaters at this point in time know the difference between a medium rare and a well done, but even those that don’t could be guided by a simple chart on the menu with what the various degrees mean. Implementing a change like this would require the cooks to be on their game and pay attention to cooking times or temperatures, but the quality of their burgers would rise dramatically – and people tend to notice a good burger.

Burger lineup, including Alice’s sadly un-topped burger.

The Reveal

You’ll hear stories about how heavily microwaves are used in chain restaurants. I cannot confirm or deny this, but I have had friends who worked in these types of kitchens, and they claim much of the food comes packaged and ready to cook in whatever way their test kitchens deemed the most consistent. When you’re at Applebee’s, you won’t expect a fresh hand-formed patty of beef from a local meat purveyor, but they will go out of their way to make it look like it is.

The same thing is true about their appetizers. They are mostly preformed (or parcooked) things with simple recipes. That’s just fine – the wings are wings and will taste good. the wonton tacos I shared with Alice were crispy and tasty, designed to look like a lot more work went into them, and the spinach dip was exactly as described. I really can’t say anything bad about the appetizers, as they were plentiful and there are so many deals to get an appetizer for free or next to free. I also have good things to say about the fries (and sweet potato fries) that came with our burgers- they were crispy, seasoned right, and more than did the job.

The burgers? Well, don’t get your hopes up. You’ll say “yeah this is a burger” and eat it and be fine with it. But you’re not going to go home and talk about it to your friends. The price was great, again, but I’ve been to many places with far higher quality burgers at the same price point (Motor City Sports Bar, House of Shamrocks, Mt. Chalet, Redcoat, etc.). As I said earlier, the doneness levels were all basically the same, with just the slightest hint of pink for most of us, and inconsistency with what the table asked for. Disappointing. The patty was bland and underseasoned. It had a good texture and crumbled appropriately but was not incredibly juicy. The buns were incredibly sad and dry. Basically, it included all the marks of a burger purveyor that doesn’t get it.

My caprese burger was ridiculous. A bad design and a bad execution. Two stacks of one inch thick red onion slices grilled, with mozzarella on top and grilled tomato in the middle of the two stacks. WAY too much onion. One stack would have been too much! If they were half as big, I could have dealt with it. I pulled one stack off and barely made it through the other. The tomato and mozzarella worked as ingredients, but the burger still ended up dry, and I asked for some mayo to make up for it. I don’t eat that many burgers, so going out of my way for a burger like this is a true disappointment.

Alice got hers delivered without any toppings. Baffling. The waitress, to her credit, fixed it pretty quickly, but I don’t know how the mix-up occurred. Alice was sitting in front of her unadorned patty while the rest of us dug in. Bonnie ate the also ridiculous quesadilla burger, which I tried, and it delivered as expected (a burger with southwest flavors between two quesadillas) but it is maybe a holdover from the late aughts’ obsession with piling too many greasy cheesy things on top of each other and calling it good food.

Good texture. Dry bun. Bland patty.

Was it Worth it?

As usual, we had a good time and it was an interesting experience. It’s clear why some people like Applebee’s and similar chain restaurants – they have cheap prices, consistency of menus, and they are a good place to share a meal with a group of people in a very unpretentious way. I’m not going to knock anyone for that. Sala texted me after we left, and said “I Just got two coffees for price of an entree and app at applebees.” That’s not a thing to shrug off.

But it really just isn’t for me. The only thing I’d come back for, by choice, would be the cheap and good appetizers and a happy hour drink. They do that well. Their immediately recognizable and welcoming atmosphere even works on me, in some ways.

But, as it stands, their meals are just not that good. Sorry, Applebees. I’d love if it was a place that had a consistently good, even great burger, and it is absolutely not beyond the scope of this giant corporation to do that. And I’m betting that people would respond to a really good burger, without too much Millenial-focused marketing which we are accustomed to, and bored of, and doesn’t work that well. Go to Applebee’s, and if you like it, I won’t hold it against you! But I might have some other, more local suggestions for you (check the sidebar).

Ratings:

Music Report: was there even music? So generic I didn’t notice.
Burger: 2.96
Service: 4.03
Atmosphere: 3.75
Value: 3
Overall Rating: 3.322

Alice –  “I may have been too generous with this rating.” 4/5
Arthur – “Appetizers were a 5/5 because they were free” 2/5
Bonnie – “I feel good about the free app. Now I know what a quesadilla burger tastes like – I didn’t hate it.” 3/5
Erik – “I’d come for the apps, they were cheap and good. The entrees suck. This wobbly table is the worst.” 2.5/5
Sala – “Very unhappy with how cramped the booths were. Loved the apps (that they were free).” 3/5
Scott – “It works for the price. They have a snapchat filter.”4/5
Sean – “It was great to share this burger club experience with my friends and to share a 2 for 20 meal with my brother-in-law. The food and experience is what you come to expect from an Applebee’s. I ordered hot wings with blue cheese, got boneless BBQ wings with ranch.” 2/5

Applebee’s
2111 W. 8 Mile Rd.
Detroit, MI 48203
(313) 586-5980
Open 11 am- 12 am Sun-Thurs
11 am – 1 am Fri-Sat

Checker Bar

At some point in our lives, I think everyone experiences a moment where they realize that their parents aren’t gods, and they’re just as flawed as we are. You’ll wake up from a 16-year-old wet dream about the cute girl in class, stumble downstairs for sugary cereal, and find your father standing next to the fridge, shirtless, holding the carcass of a chicken that he is cleaning off with his teeth. You’ll find your mother, normally pristine and orderly, coming home a bit drunk and hugging you too much before saying embarrassing things about your former toilet training habits or the way you liked to run around naked in front of guests.

Checker Bar feels like the place that all of these things might start. The death of innocence, the segue into maturity, the brief indescribable moment where childhood ends and we realize that we’ll probably be alright anyway.

Opening the doors of Checker, you’ll feel a puff of musty air hit your face. The smells and memories of thousands of cigarettes smoked, beers spilled on the floor, and the conversations of our grandparents lingering in the atmosphere. The decor matches the feeling of nostalgia. Edison bulbs, obviously checkered tabletops, a long wooden bar, some stuff on the wall, wood paneling, a slew of pinball and arcade machines and a kitchen hidden from view. Honestly, it’s not too far away from what Pizza Hut used to look like – and let’s not even get into the embarrassing memories that came out of there.

In the middle of a hot Southeast Michigan summer, you might already feel like you’re less than half alive. Take a trip in to Checker’s on a Sunday afternoon, like the three of us did, and you’ll have to pinch yourself to make sure you’re still going. Customers float around like tortured ghosts, and the bartender, while nice enough, serves some perverted metaphor of apathy with your draft beer that will make you feel like you’re in a waiting room to hell. With that said, their beer selection will cool you down, with a good selection of national (no emphasis on regional, unfortunately) craft beers for good prices.

The menu goes along the same lines – simple offerings, good prices, great weekday specials. You can get out of here at a normal time for under ten dollars for a filling meal, or you can spend a little more and get something more unique. The $6.25 Checker Burger, topped with lettuce, tomato, and onion, is a classic choice. Cheese is an extra $.75. They also offer a blue cheese burger, a patty melt, a turkey burger, and a lamb burger – and additional toppings can be put on anything. A very simple menu allows for infinite combinations, all presented on a wrinkled paper menu. All patties are 1/3 pound, which is just enough to be filling without being gluttonous (but you can get a half pound patty for a couple extra dollars).

There’s also hot dogs, sandwiches, and sloppy joes on the menu, if you really want to find some mimicry of your parents’ Midwestern upbringing in your food. Fries, tots, onion rings, and slaw round out Checker’s sides menu,and a “Snacks” portion could hold you over until you just give in and order something more substantial.

Service was pretty fast, despite the apathy, and we didn’t have to wait long for our food. When you spend a lot of time worrying about the imminent heat death of the universe, time is not meant to be wasted. I ordered the checker burger with blue cheese. Mark got the blues burger, expecting something similar, and not noticing the odd inclusion of barbecue sauce. He wasn’t pleased.

Burgers were cooked as ordered, and my medium rare was actually medium rare. The seasoning was simple, and the patties came out not very charred, but still juicy – exactly what you’d expect from a bar with old-school charm, made with high quality ingredients and purporting to be a classic.The buns were weak, boring, heartless. Mine almost fell apart, due to lack of toasting or too airy of a crumb. Burger purveyors: please find something in between a cheap fluffy bun and brioche. Nobody likes a juicy meal to fall apart, and simple doesn’t have to mean poorly constructed.

Although everything in Checker Bar feels like it’s old (except the food, fortunately), they also embrace more retro-modern pasttimes. The upstairs space often hosts pop up dining and other events, there is a monthly BYOV (Bring Your Own Vinyl) night, and Offworld Arcade regularly brings a number of arcade cabinets to the bar for $5 free play all night. It provides an often strange and interesting night at the bar, miles away in atmosphere from downtown’s typical sports bars and Greektown tourist bars.

As we left, seeking another respite from the scorching sun, we glanced back at the bar. It was easy to put our pasts behind us, having lived full childhoods within the space of a couple hours, and coming out dazed with the unfortunate responsibilities of adulthood. I know, it all sounds really uncomfortable. However, there’s something comforting about one fact: we can go and revisit that past at any time we want.

This post is approved by Checker Bar’s giant burger.

Ratings:

Burger: 3.89
Service: 4.08
Atmosphere: 4.06
Value: 3.78
Overall Rating: 3.94

Erik: “I was a little depressed by the mostly-empty bar, but I imagine it would be cool during an event. The food was solid. Ground beef was excellent, and the bun didn’t fall apart, but it would have if the burger had wetter toppings. ” 4.5/5

Mark: “I don’t like BBQ sauce, and I should have customized my burger. I like vegetables, and there weren’t any on the burger I ordered. Fries were A+.” 3/5  

Brett: “This is a place I would definitely return to. The food, value, and scenery meld well together. I had a delicious burger in a cool spot. Definitely worth the time and price.” 4/5

Checker Bar Detroit
124 Cadillac Square
Detroit, MI 48226
(313) 961-9249

The Bronx Bar

While the first wave of the freezing winter hits us, I’d like to reflect on the mild, perfect summer we just left. The rainy autumn that lasted for about two weeks in between was not a proper send-off, and we’re left confused about where the time went and if it is really 15 degrees outside before thanksgiving (it is). During these seemingly-fabled times, MCBC got a big group together and headed to midtown – meeting amongst the Wayne State buildings, we walked over to the famed darkly-lit Bronx Bar. This bar has a history in serving good food and good beer to lots of students, getting packed during Dally in the Alley, and being a refuge from the family-oriented activities of Noel Night. We didn’t care about any of that, but used their positive reputation to ask the same question we always do: “How are the burgers?”

Situated on Second street and Prentis, across from the newly-remodeled Marcus Market, a neighborhood liquor store and taco stand (Alley Taco is set up in the back – I recommend it, but that’s a different blog), Bronx stands out – because there’s always people there, under that deco-style neon sign. They crowd on the tiny side patio, smoking cigarettes, pack the bar and dim booths with their beer and pub food, and spend long periods of time navigating the two jukeboxes, side by side, both loaded with great music. Their decor represents the best of your parents’ basement bar – metal and vinyl stools, used dark wood benches, an old arcade machine, some eclectic signage, and a well-designed wooden bar that covers the wall and wraps around the corner to the kitchen. It all goes towards helping you feel a little more at home.

MCBC was there on a Saturday afternoon, before the crowd. They had a build your own bloody mary setup near the pool table leftover from the morning and a smattering of folks chatting and drinking. We settled into the farthest back booth, where the sunlight dared to peek through one of the few darkened windows, and grabbed some beers. Their selection isn’t gigantic, but it covers most tastes – everything from craft beers, like Victory Prima Pils and Green Flash Road Warrior, to your dad’s favorite lawnmower beers, at prices you’d expect for the area. You order at the counter for drinks and food- don’t expect an enthusiastic response from staff. A mixture of apathy towards customers is kind of discouraging, but the speed was on par.

The menu, presented on one large laminated sheet, is mostly sandwiches and sides. They do include some well-lauded vegetarian selections, for your meatless friends who don’t just want to drink their meals. Their burger selection, much like Honest John’s, is represented by one menu item – The Blackout, for 8 dollars. Fortunately, this is augmented by several other add-on options, as you may want something more to add on to the mayo, lettuce, tomatoes and onions that come standard.

 

I enjoyed the burger for the most part. Ingredient quality was certainly high, and you can tell Bronx takes pride in their food. The buns, not only collected meat juices adequately, but were an excellent vehicle for the fresh vegetables, blue cheese, browned patty, and caramelized onions I ordered. My burger was a bit overdone, unfortunately, and that beige-gray color that strikes mediocre burgers was certainly present.

I did question the patty for a couple reasons – It was a bit under-seasoned, and it was pale. The cuts of meat they used were pretty lean, leading to lack of necessary fatty,salty goodness in contrast to the crunchy freshness of the toppings. I was a bit bummed, especially since the rest of the equation was excellent. Despite my misgivings, Bronx received the best ratings for burger alone so far – .02 points above Motor City Sports Bar.

 

The sides we received were delicious. Onion rings and fries were both crispy and hot. The best thing about this though, is their dill dipping sauce. You may or may not know that dill is one of my favorite things – it certainly sold me on the concept of ordering just fries or onion rings at a bar, which I am unlikely to do. If you’re not into mayonnaise or sour cream- based dressing, each table has a bottle of Heinz 57 to complement your meals. This tangy and sweet steak sauce is an excellent condiment for french fries, and I really kind of want to see it everywhere (not for steaks, of course, because that is a waste of meat).

 

Ultimately, Bronx has most of the things you’re looking for. Dark corners, comfortable and awkward layout, lots of beers, and pretty good food. Bring your parents during the day and talk about how the chairs look like the ones they finally got rid of. Bring a date at night, and use the dim setting for intimate and weird conversations. Go with your friends, and catch some hair of the dog. Whatever the scenario, you’re probably going to like it.

Ratings:

Burger: 4.08
Service: 3.98
Atmosphere: 4.09
Value: 3.56
Overall Rating: 4.00 

Erik:

The Patio’s nice
Can’t wait for my hamburger
window shades leave light
4.5/5

Carl: “The Gangsta Snarl” : “The music was loud and annoying. Mostly hip- looking people, tattooed bicycle folk. Hipsters.” 4/5

Julius Pleaser: “Food was very satisfying- a solid burger. They didn’t knock it out of the park, but it was an easy triple. I must be too old because this music is too loud.” 4/5

Frank: “Great bun, great selection of fresh toppings, average bland patty. It’s close to work and they have great sandwiches. It’s a good place to bring a lady.” 4/5

Ray: No comment. 3/5

Andy: “Nice, big burger. Great buns. Excellent jukebox.” 4/5

Janie: No comment. 4/5

Mark: “I really like Bronx bar – and I will be back.” 4 /5

Patrick:

Bronx is on second
their burgers seem to be third
‘Forth!’ friends to new eats
4/5

Bronx Bar
4476 2nd Ave.
Detroit, MI 48201
(313) 832-8464

(Photo Credits: Erik)

Marcus Hamburgers

Marcus Hamburgers has a long history of serving people. Lots of people. The people who make the world work, the people who get us to work, the people who make this city what it is. Marcus has long been greasing the axles of the hard-working masses who have slowly but surely built Detroit from the ground up, the folks who got the populace out of their neighborhoods and onto the highways.

At Marcus, reminders of this past are everywhere. there is a metal fan sitting on top of a fridge that likely hasn’t been moved for decades. The ceiling tiles are turning a little brown. The chevy posters which are scattered across the walls are faded by the sun. The weird ‘Marcus: We appreciate your business!’ sign above the back kitchen with poorly drawn pictures of food beckons and confuses. Every tiny piece of the diner carries itself with pride. When you enter Marcus, you feel the same way – coated in a dusty layer of something special.

Everything about Marcus screams blue collar. You know that their horse-shoe style counters are not only a brilliant innovation but totally unique to the restaurant. Ten people fit around one of these little horseshoes, and there’s 6 of them in the diner.  In their heyday, there were likely more than 60 people crammed into this approximately 20×40 room, scrambling to get a hearty lunch and head back to the factory floor. The cook yelling jokes at us, coupled with the wonderfully welcoming and pleasant waitress are part of the historic fabric and the culture that permeates and resonates from this slightly dilapidated diner.

The restaurant is named after the burgers, for their distinctive rectangular shape. They are steakburgers, presumably made with ground round. The story told now is that they bought hot dog buns by mistake one day, and rather than getting new buns, they shaped their burgers to fit the buns. Of course, this tale stuck, and through ownership changes nobody knows the real story any longer (in this case, myth may be more important than truth). There are several varieties and combinations of burgers, none of them more than $3.25. They are cooked in a vat of oil, and then smothered in chili, or cheese, or nothing.  They’re served on a freshly steamed hot dog bun.

The patty itself is good, not overseasoned, juicy and beefy in a lot of good ways. It doesn’t soak through the bun, but the juices definitely drip into your mouth. They are cooked all the way through, but not overcooked, and you would be crazy to ask the cook to leave it in a little less long. The american cheese blankets the burger nicely, coats every bite, and makes you appreciate the American Whey.

But if you want condiments, all of which are served on the side like an insane midwestern tapas presentation, go light. Your first instinct is to want to slather everything all over it like a hot dog. But look at it again: It’s not a hot dog. Take your time, make sure the toppings are fresh- the onions provided to us on the counter were dubious at best. Add only as necessary. And be warned, the relish in the bowl is actually sweet. You don’t really want that on your burger, do you?

The fries and onion rings are decent, but certainly didn’t blow my mind. Having said that, I gobbled up my portion pretty quickly. Sides and breakfasts are all cheap, affordable, and come in good portions of standard diner-quality food.

As for the club, we all loved the service (despite a few minor mixups). With the addition of some old friends and some new ones (12 people in total!), it is safe to say that we all had a good time. Some were into the charm that the place provided, and a couple members were excited to bring their parents. However, we did not give it very good ratings.

Minimalism is the name of the game at Marcus. Enjoy the age-old decor and feel. Go for a strip of bacon on your burger, which is thick and crunchy. Get the cheese. Go wild with the mustard. Don’t feel bad about ordering their cheap and awesome breakfasts, or their other sandwiches and sides (the menu is huge). But stray outside of those guidelines, and you may be in for a bad time.

 

Ratings:

Burger: 3.21

Service: 4.43

Atmosphere: 3.71

Value: 4.29

Overall Rating: 3.82

 

Erik: “I’m coming back for what this place stands for. “4.5 /5

Andrew:  “Love the design of the counter… The waves.” 3/5

Bob: 4 “Loved it. Actual diner, not a reproduction. Pepsi products!” 4/5

Carl ‘The gangsta snarl’: 3 “Cheap, good portions.” 3/5

Frank:  “Friendly waitress, cook, and crowd. Great for lunch; maybe not great for dinner. Cheap breakfast. And it’s close!” 5/5

Jeff:  “Onions were crummy.” 3/5

Joe:  “Location out of the way, but definitely worth the drive back.” 5/5

Megan: “Super in love with multiple plates for everything” 4/5

Phil:  “Quirky with lots of history and a great Detroit working-class vibe: unpretentious and friendly. The novelty didn’t end with the patty shape. The decor- horseshoe seating, occasional record on the wall, sink outside the bathroom, all add up to a great quirky vibe. However, the mediocrity of the food leaves this place with novelty as it’s biggest selling point. Oh yeah, and it’s dirt fucking cheap. I’d go back.” 3/5

Rachel:  No Comment.  2/5

 

Marcus Hamburgers

6349 E McNichols Rd, Detroit, MI 48212

(313) 891-6170

(photo credits to Bob, Carl and Erik)