Brome Wasn’t Built in a Day

Five years ago, if you asked for a halal burger, you’d be limited to a few Muslim-owned restaurants serving their country’s food and a burger as an afterthought. In the last few years, drastic changes have arisen as new restaurants have opened featuring the glorious burger, with beef slaughtered in the zabiha halal manner. This should come as no surprise, as Muslim populations in the region are just as American as the rest of us – and there’s nothing more American than a cheeseburger and fries.

Brome is a more recent addition to a group of burger restaurants, mostly in Dearborn, that serve a halal-eating population.  This group includes Taystee’s Burger, Famous Hamburger, and Good Burger, to name a few, that have been getting a lot of good press and a huge following in Metro Detroit. While these burger restaurants are getting a great reviews for their American food, I’m also looking forward to seeing what Halal Soul Food looks like, as pork (a staple of soul food cuisine) is prohibited in the Quran.

Bonnie gets lost in the forest.

In addition to serving certain religious populations, halal meat has the benefit of being mostly locally sourced and slaughtered specifically for halal markets. This means that many beef, lamb and chicken are raised on nearby farms that go directly to halal butchers. Because they’re not working with animals on the scale of something like Tyson farms, restaurants have a better opportunity for more consistent quality in their meats. The many halal butchers in Eastern Market and Dearborn reflect these practices, and many of them sell some of the freshest meat you can find in the region.

What you’d Expect – and a Bit More
Brome, opening up in West Dearborn, followed the model of many successful fast-casual chains, including big ones like Shake Shack, which also recently opened in Detroit. Order at the counter, get a number, sit down and wait for your food to be brought out. Brome features lots of reclaimed wood (from the Dearborn Amtrak rails, if that matters to you) , a huge open space with a patio, and a beautiful wall of vegetation. While many of these features are considered normal at a fast-casual restaurant, Brome’s execution is spot on.

They’ve also gone all in on the marketing and iconography – and their restaurant has very heavy branding that makes it feel like a huge chain of restaurants despite its single location. It’s unclear if their goal is to rapidly expand, but it certainly looks like it.

They also have a significant amount of signage letting you know about their beef, giving you a good idea of the product you’re getting, and how they seek to reduce waste. This is echoed on their website, where they discuss the methods of putting the restaurant together with reclaimed wood, seeking to reduce waste, and promoting sustainable farming practices.

The whole club was very impressed with the values and physical openness of this place, as most of us strive to be more sustainable or at least have some idea of what we are eating and where it comes from. Sometimes they are intentionally vague in their marketing about these practices, as the fact that they produce so much paper litter, recycled content or not, may be troubling to some. Either way, more mindful practices are a great starting point, and that value is something echoed by their customers.

The worst thing about Brome by far was the music. The music skipped between top 40, obscure 80s pop, and there may have been a christian rock ballad or two in there. I really cannot express enough how bad this music was. And though I may be a snob about music, it wasn’t just me that hated it. Truly very abhorrent stuff. The best thing I can say about it is that it was playing at a reasonable volume.

The Goods
Brome offers a menu you’d expect at a burger fast food place. Instagrammable foods seem like a necessity, pushed along by their branding. They push their milkshakes (and concretes), burgers, and french fries. They include vegan options to appease everyone, and a few interesting choices, like sweet potato fries or tots, a breakfast sandwich, and a hot dog. Another nice touch was the flavored waters. Very simple, but great for washing down a big burger!

They have two blends of burgers, served in 6 oz patties – one of them is a 70/30 (lean/fat) blend, and the other is 80/20 organic. Both of the blends come from cows raised at Thunder Ridge, which specializes in grass-fed animals for halal butchers. Unfortunately, Thunder Ridge is located in Iowa and not Michigan, taking the product a step away from the source.  The restaurant website claims that they use no antibiotics or growth hormones and all the cows are grass-fed. You’re going to pay $2 more for the organic patties – which seems like a steep hike – but that comes with the territory of sustainability.

While reading the signage at the restaurant and reading their website, I got a bit confused whether both types of beef are non-GMO and grass-fed. Sending a message to the owners, they confirmed that both the angus and the 100% organic are grass-fed and non-GMO, so either choice is not a bad one. Unfortunately, they wouldn’t tell me what cuts of meat they use for their burgers. I have my own guesses, but you might have a better one!

Three kinds of citrus waters make Carl happy.

One of their tenets at the restaurant is that they only cook their burgers medium or well done. If you’re like me, you like to appreciate the beefiness without any dryness in your burger. A juicy enough burger will avoid this problem, making up for moisture with fat. Cooking a burger to medium is fine, but really not optimal, and it seems like a shame to be offered such good beef, with a huge amount of hype, and then not cook it at a level that lets that beef taste its best. Brome doesn’t serve thin patties either – at 6 oz, these are almost pub-burger thickness. They have no real excuse to only offer two doneness levels. It may be done as a way to avoid training the employees to temp their burgers correctly – or it may be done out of fear of foodborne illness. Both concern me – it’s not hard to use a thermometer or learn to time a portion of beef on the flat top; and a simple FDA warning about undercooked meats would suffice for rare and medium rare meats – which already exists on the menu. This isn’t Canada – I expect a properly cooked burger!

The Delicious and the Disappointing
I got the One-eyed Brome – loaded with beef bacon (no pork bacon here), a fried egg, provolone, tomato, mayo, and avocado. It comes on a brioche bun, as all of their burgers do, lightly toasted and buttered. There was a lot going on with the burger, stuffed with ingredients, intensely rich and creamy. Despite all the umami loaded on the burger, I was a little let down by the patty itself. these are substantial pieces of meat, and I got their regular 70/30 blend, which should make up for any shortcomings with juicy beef fat, but there didn’t seem to be any real seasoning. Of course, I had to order it medium, instead of my usual medium-rare, compounding my dissatisfaction.

One-eyed Brome

Poutine Burger

The major issue here, I think, is that there is very little to balance out the gigantic amounts of umami and salt encountered in the toppings. Tomatoes provide a small amount of acidity, but not nearly enough to balance out that richness. My tastebuds were worn out after a few bites. The topping quality is good – they care about their ingredients, for sure, and that helped me deal with it. The beef bacon is more interesting than you’d think it would be, especially for those of us used to pork, and fits in nicely with the egg.

I’m willing to accept that it was my mistake in getting excited about fried eggs and ordering the richest burger, instead of thinking about how things might be off-balance. Other offerings on the menu seem to have better balance of texture and flavor- and feature interesting flavor combinations. I’d be happy to try another- like the Mex with corn salsa, cheddar-jack cheese sauce, pickled jalapeno, avocado and chipotle mayo – and most others seemed to enjoy their burgers quite a bit!

I will happily wax poetic about the bun at Brome. The brioche, lightly toasted, soaks up a good amount of moisture, while still staying light enough to not overload the burger. There is just enough crispness and butteriness there to keep things interesting. The buns held up, remarkably, to most of our moist burgers. Throw away your pretzel buns and your bakery rolls – invest in brioche!

A couple folks were disappointed we got to Brome a few days after their delicious-looking fried chicken sandwiches had stopped being served. Instead, they had their Poutine burger on special for the month, featuring “Fried cheese curds, veal gravy, shoestring french fries and cherry pepper relish”. A couple people ordered it, though it sounded heavy and strange to me. They liked it, but thought the jelly was strange with the gravy. Similar complaints of patty flavoring to mine came from other club members – and similar praise for their buns. Overall, their burgers ranked pretty highly for us, and the small problems with the patty there were made up for by quality ingredients, the best bun possible, and interesting topping choices.

Their tots were a great addition to the menu and fried perfectly. The outsides are crisp and the insides are moist and soft – perfect for dipping. The fries were fine, and served in big portions, but were not quite crispy – a shame for a thinner style of fry that Brome serves. They do have four flavor options for the fries – salt and pepper, cajun, garlic and cilantro, or truffle and parmesan. Though the spices made the fries more interesting, the fries’ lack of crispiness detracted from the intended product. Brome’s shakes, however, were a hit. they’re made with custard from Calder’s Dairy in Lincoln Park, which make some of the best dairy products around Detroit. Brome offers a new shake each month as well as the option to get each shake malted. Alice and I split a salted Caramel shake, and the richness of one shake was more than enough for both of us together.

Salted Caramel Shake

Yes, they have Edison Bulbs.

Truffle and Parmesan Fries

The Long and the Short of it
Everyone liked what Brome was about. They care about their ingredients, their restaurant, and their customers. They took a well liked fast-casual model and molded it to make a unique halal burger offering. They seem to be loved in Dearborn, and I imagine they will stick around. The space is beautiful, right in the middle of West Dearborn. There is so much thought and care put into Brome, that I almost feel bad saying anything bad about it.

Unfortunately, their burgers didn’t live up to the hype. I do think there are a few changes they could make that would give the restaurant a broader appeal – the first would be more seasoning for the patties so that beefiness really shines through. The second is cooking to order. Give me a rare burger if I want it! I really want to experience that high quality product you have, and that’s the best way that I can do that – especially when I’m paying almost $20 for a meal.

And please, play some better music.

Ratings:

Music Report: It was terrible.
Burger: 4.094 (ranked #4 so far!)
Service: 4.29
Atmosphere: 4.36
Value: 3.09
Overall Rating: 3.93

Alice –  “The burger was very moist and had lots of juicy toppings, but the bun kept things together really well. I appreciated the shredded lettuce, since its often hard for me to bite through.” 4/5
Amanda – “Burger was very flavorful and juicy but the fries left something to be desired. Need more seasoning, and I guess I prefer thicker cut and crispier fries.” 4/5
Bonnie – “Loved the strawberry shake and tots. ‘I change myself, I change the world.’ Glad I tried it. Booth is comfy.” 4/5
Carl – “I thought the inclusion of pickled red jalapenos on the poutine burger was an odd juxtaposition. The delicate flavours of poutine were overshadowed by the imposing pepper. The gravy was good, though. Wish they had the chicken sandwich, but its ok.“ 4/5
Erik – “They care about good things and have thought through the ideas of this place. Good toppings, service, space to talk and meet. Love the plants. They fall short on a few things (patty doneness and seasoning) which would boost the levels easily. The bun is what all burger places should aspire to.” 3.5/5
Ian – “The music was revolting.” 3/5
Jeff-
Twenty dollar meal
I hope the servers are paid
I didn’t have beer

The burger was good
Poutine gravy was tangy
that was kind of weird
3/5
Lindsay – “While it was very juicy, maybe a little greasy, lots of liquid anyway. The bun held up, as did the structural integrity of the sandwich as a whole. Thinking further, I really liked the sauce on the burger. Overall, I liked it for fast casual, maybe a little expensive, but they really put a lot of care and thought into the business and I appreciate the emphasis on ingredients. The milkshake gets a 5 from me” 3/5

Brome Burgers & Shakes
www.bromeburger.com
22062 Michigan Ave.
Dearborn, MI 48124
313-995-5050
(Thank you Carl for some of your photos)

One Eyed Betty’s: A Treatise on Waiting

“We should get there early,” I informed everyone. “The lines are always long.”

“How about 7?” they said.

“Seriously, though.” I replied.

They didn’t believe me. With a dozen or so people (and unsure of the actual number who would show up), I rallied some folks to get there a bit earlier than the rest, at 6:45. We put in our name, and waited. Other parties filtered in at an increasing rate. I knew it was going to be even longer than anticipated to get tables. The rest of our group showed up.

We waited, and waited, and waited. Ennui almost slipped in, but we staved it off by getting drinks from the bar, delivered by a waiter that only takes care of people waiting for tables. They are known for their excellent beer and liquor lists, and we took full advantage to try something new. We played some pinball, we ordered another beer, we talked, we waited. It was an hour at that point – hungry people from our group started to pester the host station.

How does one wait this long with dignity and aplomb? Is it correct to pretend it doesn’t bother you? Do you have to extoll the merits of the restaurant to every first timer so they don’t strangle you? Should we have started a political action group in the meantime?

Scott, encumbered by thoughts about never eating again.

Hangriness radiated off of us. I think the staff may have felt that we were about to implode. Finally, after some confusion and some leadership from an upset Bonnie, we sat at a table. The rest of the group sat down at a table next to us about five minutes later. Relief.

It was a little over two hours that we waited. This is a part of the process of eating at One-Eyed Betty’s, as far as I can tell. Being prepared for this wait is important. There are no reservations, no text messages for tables that are ready, no buzzers for tables (I’ll point out again that is a waiter that only serves drinks to people not seated). You just wait.

The wait that was the worst of all, though? After a couple beers, not eating a snack in preparation to eat a big burger, and standing listlessly in that entryway, the wait that was the worst was after ordering our food. If that service wasn’t fast and good, something drastic may have happened.

Our burgers were devoured with a hunger more ferocious than we have ever felt.

I have to give credit to the staff, for dealing with angry people waiting constantly, for being fast with their service, for doing a great job of what they are supposed to do. I know I wouldn’t survive in an environment like that.

Pork belly poutine and brussels sprouts were ordered for the table to quell our hunger until the burgers arrived. Although brussels sprouts are the culinary hit of five years ago, they remain delicious, and Betty’s understands this – they make perhaps the best sprouts I’ve had. Super flavorful, lightly coated with balsamic vinegar and garlic, just salty enough, and incredibly crispy. Seriously, order these. The poutine was very good as well, with crispy fries, balanced and tasty gravy, and good cheese, but didn’t astound us quite like the brussels sprouts.

After quickly finishing off the appetizers, we were on to the burger. When i say “the” burger, it is because there is only one option at One-eyed Betty’s, despite their “2013 Burger Brawl Champs, Yeehaw” that remains scrawled in chalk above their bar. It contains: bacon, sharp cheddar, garlic aioli, greens, tomato & onion, served with hand cut fries or sub onion rings for a buck. $13. Turns out, they come with a pickle spear too. Of course, you can omit ingredients, but that is about it for customization options.

I went with the onion rings, totally unnecessary after I ate a bunch of poutine. They were crispy, without onion ring worm syndrome, and not overly greasy. Seasoning was again, very well done.

Most of our buns held together nicely, with a bit of toasting on these brioche buns, and everyone agreed that they were cooked just about perfectly to order. Consistency and proper bun choices have become a plague for us as a group, so a place that does it right deserves accolades.

There were mixed reviews on the patty flavor, but they remained overall positive. The burger toppings were fresh and the team clearly takes their ingredients seriously. However, there was some inconsistency – like the amount of raw onions (cut in full rings) or Carl’s one ridiculously tiny and thick tomato slice. It’s a small detail, but something a diner is going to notice. For a tomato lover, getting a slice like this on a burger is a very sad thing.

One tiny tomato slice. Carl was not happy.

One-Eyed Betty’s is a place of trade-offs. You’ll like the beer list (if that’s your thing). You’ll like the service. You’ll love the food, and your family and friends from out of town probably would too.  However,  you might not care for the crowd or the ambiance, like some of our group, which makes up a normal Ferndale crowd. And I guarantee that you’re going to hate waiting for a table.

If you get to One-Eyed Betty’s with a small group, early in the night, you might have a short wait. A single diner can often find a spot at the bar, which I have done in the past. Otherwise, have a snack before you show up.

When I do come to eat here, and decide to brave the line, I always enjoy it. The chef puts a lot of thought into their food and sources good ingredients. The waitstaff are always nice, patient, and knowledgeable, because they have to be at a place like this. and the cooks really knock it out of the park with the quality and consistency of their food. There’s a reason it’s always packed in here, because they do what they do really well. Ultimately, it’s up to you – is it worth the wait?

The haze of two beers and no food hits me hard.

Ratings:

Phil’s Music Report: “Good music.”
Burger: 4.09 
Service: 3.85
Atmosphere: 3.76
Value: 3.41
Overall Rating: 3.815 

Alice –  4.5/5
Asil – “Wait was SUPER long – plan ahead, especially if you have a crowd. Good vibe, decent burgers, would head here if I was hangin’ around Ferndale.” 3/5
Bonnie – “I’ll return since it’s close. I wish there were more burger options. I don’t need the bacon and fancy greens.“ 4/5
Carl – “Tomato to onion ratio was piss-poor. Beer list was good- NOT great (where the stouts at?) Ferndale parking is whack. I will probably return though” 4/5
Erik – “Only one burger on the menu? It better be carefully crafted. This one is. Wetter toppings wouldn’t hold up as well. The bun could have been more toasted, but was a bit sweet and the density was spot on. Great music! Rancid, the Damned, and Dead Kennedys were on at various points.” 4.5/5
Frank – “Nice and juicy patty, good flavor. Beer selection is expensive. It’s a popular place with a line, a good burger, and a long list of bourbons. It is what it is.”3.5/5
Jeff-
This place is so fucked
way too many people here
but the food is good 
4/5
Lauren – “I want more garlic aioli on the burger. Not enough cheese.” 3.5/5
Lindsay – “Why bacon? Where was the cheese? The garlic mayo was good, but overpowering. But the core of the question, the burger, was good!” 3/5
Rachel – 4/5
Phil – “Why were the tomato slices so small in diameter and large in thickness? It made for awkward biting. I don’t know how much I can trust this rating. I am sick and hungry and waited 2:10 from arrival time to burger time.” 4/5
Sean – “The Betty Burger excelled in quality of meat and how it was cooked. The greens were top notch, better than just iceberg lettuce, the garlic aioli was fantastic. Those are the three things it had going for it. Past that, the overall experience was average or less than. If you’re hungry and need a burger now, One-Eyed Betty’s is not the place. If you’re patient and in good company, the Betty Burger is worth the wait.” 4/5
Scott – “I could go to Motor City and get a great burger for $8. It’s not worth waiting over 90 minutes every single time here, but a great burger.” 4/5

One-Eyed Betty’s
175 W. Troy St.
Ferndale MI 48220
(248) 808-6633

B Spot: A Grade Above

In a city where we are constantly wary of young white professionals trying to “save the city” with their artisanal baked goods and kombucha, it is refreshing to hear that B Spot‘s creator and head chef, Michael Symon, isn’t saving our souls, or our city. He is known merely as “the savior of the Cleveland restaurant scene”. I’m not trying to downplay this accomplishment – he has certainly played a part in the recent culinary renaissance in Detroit as well. After traversing the rust belt to open Roast in Detroit, renowned for their happy hours and steaks, Symon opened one of his burger-and-beer restaurants,  B Spot, in Royal Oak. (You already know how I feel about Royal Oak, so I won’t say more along those lines, but I’ll let you know I was annoyed while finding a parking spot.)

As a “meat-centric” chef (which is a weird way to put it) Symon has done great things with simple vegetables, classic steaks, and good cocktails. He’s shown an appreciation for the traditional while adding his own unique spin.

B Spot follows that same formula. Take a traditional or nostalgic food, and make it better. The menu runs the gamut from pork cracklings to burgers to milkshakes. They even have bologna sandwiches on their menu, guaranteed to make you feel at home: The “Old School” sandwich has thick-cut bologna, dill pickles, yellow mustard and American cheese, just like most of my elementary school lunches, while the “New School” subverts your cafeteria memories with thick-cut bologna with Russian dressing, pickled red onions, sweet hot pickles and a sunny side up egg. If I had to sum up the restaurant in two dishes, it is these bologna sandwiches. You can order the old, good thing, made better than you could do it, or you can get the new, strange thing, that will challenge your taste buds and nostalgic memories in a positive way.

Of course, I didn’t know any of this before I visited with the burger club. We had a giant group with us, as has become to norm, which necessitated several tables pushed together and staff going way out of their way to accommodate us. It wasn’t busy at the time, so it was doable, and it was certainly appreciated. Several waiters came together to help, to take our orders, and to answer our questions.

Symon has a solid rotating beer list at Roast, in addition to good cocktails, and B Spot is no different. Expect to find a wide selection of draft and canned beers, from the domestic to the hard to find. The servers were happy to explain the more uncommon selections to us, give a couple samples, and deal with our idiocy. Beware the website, however, for their draft list. I’ve gotten unduly excited several times about certain Ohio and Kentucky beers being on tap, only to realize that they do not distribute in Michigan, and the site is a general tap list for their restaurants.

Of course, we came for the burgers, giving Symon an opportunity to show off his meat-centrism. The creativity is fully on display with their burger selection, with a regular smaller burger (Thin Lizzy), a burger with capicola, salami, hot peppers, and provolone (the Yo!), and one with ghost chili, pickled jalapeno, cilantro, red onion, pepper jack, and habanero sauce (The atomic burger). There are turkey burgers, veggie burgers, and the option to build your own (with thick cut bologna as a substitution available). It’s a burger selection to please everyone. Mad scientists and grandmas can both order and be happy.

I got the Yo! burger, and found that the bun was substantial, but could have been toasted a bit more. I didn’t have any structural issues with my bun,which was also soft and lightly sweet, but others did. The salty elements were well balanced out with the acidity and spice of the peppers and calmed down with the provolone. It was a great combination of things for a burger that you won’t see many other places. Combined with some pickle bar pickles on the side, it made a really balanced burger. I found the patty seasoning salty but otherwise not very interesting. Many others also noted how salty the patty was. It’s unfortunate, because the meat was clearly of good quality, and a proper amount of seasoning would really accentuate that patty.

My burger, surrounded by pickle bar goodies.

A keystone of the restaurant is the pickle bar, placed directly in the center of the restaurant, with pickled cucumbers, peppers, carrots, tomatoes, onions, and other treats. You can grab them at your leisure, or put them on your food. I thought it was genius, and tried a bit of everything. I do wonder how they are best used with the meals, though. Are they best as snacks? Should I load my burger or bologna sandwich with pickled onions? I don’t know. I’m not an expert. Guidance from the restaurant would go a long way to the best flavor optimization.

Others in the group weren’t as into the pickle bar as me.. Maybe they just don’t understand the power of fermentation. Regardless, B Spot can be a great place to get your lactobacillus.

Onion rings, french fries (called Lola fries) with rosemary , and pork cracklings encompass the options here.  B Spot presents them all in stainless steel cups for a touch of class. The cracklings are good, as some of the first arrivals ordered them and shared, but they are very porky. If you’re not into lard, maybe avoid that. The french fries were crispy and not overly seasoned, but the hint of rosemary on the thin-cut fries was nice. I could have used a bit more, personally. There are also several sauce options on the table to try out, in addition to regular ketchup. They offer the Shasha sauce, which is a type of burger sauce from what I can gather, the Lola ketchup, which has a more tangy flavor and thicker texture, and the Coffee bbq sauce, which is thankfully not too sweet. the sauces are another addition the the choices you’re given here without any additional ordering, and make meals more interesting, especially for first-timers.

Overall, we loved B Spot, although we came in with all sorts of reservations about the location, the clientele, and the fact that it is a chain. Symon has done a great job with this restaurant, and it manages to avoid the douchiness of many other Royal Oak establishments with good food that appeals directly to the Rust Belt palate. Note that our ratings show B Spot as the new top burger – with a larger group, and a bunch of tough raters that come to the club, that’s a pretty big deal! The service was great, the food was more than good, and there is tons of uniqueness on the menu. I didn’t try the bologna, the killer milkshake menu, or the brats, and the Midwestern part of me wants more. As if the beer list wasn’t enough to bring me back, B Spot seems to have a lot more in store.

(Update 9/2018 – B Spot has closed and there are no more remaining locations in Michigan.)

Ratings:

Phil’s Music Report: “Perfect Music Volume. Bravo!”
Burger: 4.28      <<< New top burger!
Service: 4.54
Atmosphere: 4.18
Value: 3.36
Overall Rating: 4.0766   << Third Place!

Alice –  4/5
Arthur – “I enjoyed this time w/ friends. I will be single once this review hits the internet.” 4/5
Bonnie – “Good tasting burger! The pickle bar is nice. My only complaint is price, and Sala only let me eat one of her fries.“ 4.5/5
Brett – “Clean, and I liked the decor. The service was prompt and they went out of their way to accommodate us. I’d come back.” 4/5
Erik – “The pickle bar is great, but how is it optimized for burgers and sides? I’m satisfied, I would recommend this place while in town for drinks and burgers. The only trick is not to B-Spotted in Royal Oak while getting to the restaurant.” 4.5/5
Frank – “Solid options. Clean, efficient establishment. I’m satisfied. ”4/5
Joe – “Let’s do a post burger club bar crawl! Cheers!“ 3/5
Oglethorpe – “Veggies were fresh and well prepared. Enjoyed the chunks of avocado rather than spread. The burger’s worth the trip, but not mind blowing.”4/5
Phil – “I’m a little burger club
I live inside a little tub
Every month or two or three
You take me out and play with me
Up and down the city streets
I always bring my rating sheets
Who’s the best? We still don’t know
But now it’s back to home I go.” 4/5
Sala – “I didn’t share my fries because they were delicious.” 4/5
Scott –

  3/5

B Spot Burgers of Royal Oak
310 S Main St, Royal Oak, MI 48067
(248) 268-1621

Photos by Erik.

The Sermon on the Mt. Chalet

Because MCBC HQ is located centrally between the suburbs and Downtown, our club tends to branch out – you’ve seen that we’ve driven far and wide to try the best of the city. It turns out that no matter where we go, there are dozens of other places to try. We always have new recommendations, new restaurants opening, and old favorites to go back to. In that way, MCBC is perpetual. There is no final conclusion. Much like Sisyphus, we climb forever to reach an apex – only to find that we have no choice but to climb all over again.

While this might sound a little too existential for a burger blog, this makes each new venture exciting and worthwhile. Gathering good ever-changing people, sharing our lives and our love for food, and breaking bread together brings us closer, gives us shared experience, and enhances all of our collective knowledge about the best burger, the best bar, the best restaurant.

Many times, an event will come together within a day or two, and we’ll end up with twelve or so people converging on a bar or restaurant without notice. For me, its a whirlwind of texting, calling, and bugging people, as well as doing research, getting ratings together, and taking photos. Luckily, the hard work usually pays off. Even when I eat a terrible burger, I get to spend time with some good people!

Phil became quickly overwhelmed with our surroundings.

Mt. Chalet II was one of our last minute events. I found a break in my schedule and rallied the troops to this Royal Oak/Birmingham border establishment, a few weeks after our trip downtown to Foran’s. You’ll find that people on both sides of the border will claim the restaurant proudly, as somewhat of a strange bridge between the upscale and the dive – neither properly fitting in Royal Oak or Birmingham, but accepting of everyone regardless.

Although we showed up with 11 people, Mt. Chalet was quick to push tables together and accommodate us. Our server Kiswana (“Like you wanna kiss me”) was immediately upbeat, happy to serve us, and loud enough that we could all hear her. She was helped by a couple other servers, but she definitely stood out, and set the stage for a good experience.

The decor in the restaurant isn’t cohesive. It isn’t even not cohesive. It’s a woodsy-feeling, but also regular sports bar, but also a hint of an Applebee’s feel. There is some old stuff on the walls, there are some newer-looking pieces of furniture, and there are some really odd fabric panels hung from the ceiling, presumably for sound dampening. It’s not a place I would go for a fancy cocktail. It’s a place I wouldn’t mind watching a game, but it certainly wouldn’t be my first choice to do so.

Some dads watch sports at Mt. Chalet. Note the dirty fabric panels near the ceiling.

this lack of cohesion is good and bad for the bar – it feels like a big bunch of nothing without personality when you go in. However, the staff, service, and food are left to fill that void of atmosphere. They have essentially a blank canvas to make the restaurant anything it wants to be, and I wouldn’t believe you if you told me it has always had the same feel; I’m sure it has gone through several different personalities.

Ordering with 11 people is a confusing process, especially when some folks come in late and have to browse the menu. However, Mt. Chalet did this incredibly well, getting our orders correct and explaining to us our options, even when we were annoying about it.

None of us were dazzled by the beer selection, but any craft beer drinker would be happy here – in addition to their numerous taps, they have a long list of bottles, and you’re not going to be paying crazy prices for them.Expect to see sports bar tap regulars – Miller, Bud Lite, Guinness, and maybe a Sam Adams, but their menu includes some Michigan crafts as well. I got a Short’s beer, which was a little overpriced, but the Labatt Blue was cheap and tastes great with a burger.

The food here is mostly what you would expect from a bar- a Build Your Own Burger section, sandwiches, salads, and fried appetizers, but there are a few curveballs thrown in. Their entrees include a New Orleans Gumbo, a Veggie Stir Fry, and Blackened Mango Mahi – as well as a slider section separate from the burger menu.

The burger breakdown is pretty extensive, and the customization choices will give you what you want. In addition to the ‘classic chalet’ burger, Piedmontese beef is offered here like Redcoat Tavern down the street. Piedmontese beef is a leaner meat that claims to be just as beefy and delicious (I’m still not convinced). Also like Redcoat, their customization options give you thousands of potential combinations.

If you aren’t into red meat, there is a black bean burger and a turkey burger to choose from as well. You’ll be able to order your burger on brioche, an onion roll, or a pretzel roll. There are plenty of topping choices-  Some standouts include pico de gallo, roasted red pepper, and thai chili sauce- all providing you a burger you may not be able to get anywhere else. If you’re not feeling creative, their curated burger of the month might be right up your alley.

My Classic Chalet burger on brioche with provolone, caramelized onion, roasted red pepper, and garlic aioli set me back only about ten dollars, and it was a substantial portion, much like you’d expect from a pub burger. I have to note that  other club members were not impressed with the price, and the 3.5 value rating we gave to Mt. Chalet is only marginally acceptable.

At Mt. Chalet, The burgers were cooked correctly, and toppings are clearly not an afterthought. They put some thought into the quality of the ingredients. With so many different options for the burgers, going the extra mile is necessary to make sure nobody gets something bad – consistency is key. We didn’t have complaints about the quality of the burgers, nobody’s was strangely over or undercooked (I’m looking at you, Miller’s and Grand Trunk). Ultimately, if you are in need of a burger near 14 mile, you’re not going to be disappointed at Mt. Chalet.

That garlic aioli and Thai chili sauce are worth having for the rest of your meal. The condiments provided with our burgers and sides were incredible with Mt. Chalet’s garlic parmesan fries, which had mixed reviews in themselves. I found that mine were very evenly seasoned, and the garlicky bitterness matched well with the crunch of the fries. Others thought the seasoning was uneven and boring. The sides got a very high rating of 4.2, so the good outweighed the bad.

Jeff wonders what exactly he sneezed into his hand.

Mt. Chalet placed highly in our rankings, with a number 6 overall and for the burger itself. That score represents how we felt about Mt. Chalet: we had a pretty good time, and everything was good (or better than good), but we weren’t blown away.  There was nothing here to put it over the top, and I couldn’t even tell you what would do that.

Maybe a few more trips there, getting to know the staff, and getting recommendations from locals would clear things up. Maybe Mt. Chalet is just that kind of place – where you have to get to know it intimately to fully appreciate. And frankly, if Mt. Chalet were in my neighborhood, they’d find themselves a new regular.

The dangers of Mt. Chalet include: not getting enough sauce on the side, gold letter shaped balloons.

Ratings:

Burger: 3.99
Service: 4.50
Atmosphere: 3.97
Value: 3.49
Overall Rating: 3.961

Alice –  4/5
Arthur – 5/5
Bob – 4/5
Bonnie – “Kiswana was very nice and attentive. Good burger! The extras add up. Expensive for a bar.“ 4/5
Erik – “Good balance between clean/modern and dive bar. Weird dirty panels in the middle. Fries were evenly coated and garlicky. Great with condiments.” 4.5/5
Jeff – 
“Waitress serves so patiently
Tools demand service
Thanks for the delicious food.

My burger drips grease and sauce
Bun disintegrates
My hands are soaked in greatness”4/5
Lauren – “Loved the pretzel bun!“ 4/5
Mark – “My burger was good, I liked the beef. The fries were boring. Beer battered fries aren’t my jam. I got chalet burger, not PIEDMONTESE. It would have been good, but whatever. Fun to hang in Birmingham!“ 3.5/5
Phil – “One time recently I said wood paneling in bars reminds me of Up North. This place has wood paneling, bu it doesn’t remind me of Up North. Paper Lanterns. Commercial glass double doors. A wall full of top shelf liquor. ‘There’s a saw on the wall. That’s woodsy. Oh, and that’s a sword, and a martini painting next to it. Must be why the bros are here?’ There is a lot of bad classic rock here. That’s pretty Up North.” 3/5
Rachel – 4/5
Sala – “Fries were $$ and disproportionately seasoned. Spinach salad was v. good. Free side of sweet chili sauce was delish.” 4/5

 

Mt. Chalet II
32955 Woodward Avenue, Royal Oak, MI 48073
(248) 549-2929

 

Foran’s Grand Trunk: A Grand Slam?

Downtown Detroit, as any resident will tell you, is rapidly changing. Dan Gilbert has taken over the streets and buildings, plastering them with video cameras and murals, and arresting suburban teens for graffiti.  I’m not going to talk about “New Detroit” or gentrification, because that’s what not the Burger Club is for (although there certainly is some of that kind of thing going on). regardless of how you feel about it, the Gilbert empire, crawling across the many parking lots and skyscrapers downtown, brings in a lot of business.

The city center is once again bustling, with employees everywhere from Quicken Loans, various startups, and think tanks that occupy prime office space. Though some of the club are lucky enough to work downtown, and experience the city life daily, the rest of us just come in for an occasional visit – for an event, a baseball or hockey game, or a concert. Downtown Detroit is, for us, a special place to go, with a lot of different experiences to be had.

Sometimes you want lunch at the divey-but-excellent Checker Bar . You might crave hanging out with the weirdos, hipsters and Mr. Mongo himself at D’Mongos (described by a close friend as”The Applebees of dive bars” due to the collection of tchotchkes on the walls). You can go ice skating at Campus Martius, watch the Tigers, or gorge yourself at Texas De Brazil. Sometimes, you just want a good beer.

That’s where Foran’s Grand Trunk comes in.

Located on Woodward Avenue, just shy of Jefferson Avenue and the Detroit river, Foran’s surroundings are fantastic. A few steps away, Campus Martius serves as the main gathering point for downtown in winter and summer. The Spirit of Detroit statue, often dressed up in Detroit and Michigan sports jerseys, is a block away. Hart plaza, across from the statue, provides an excellent view of Windsor and the river. This really is THE space to be in downtown Detroit – you can pick a direction, walk 100 yards, and find something excellent.

View from the Guardian Building. Foran’s at the bottom – Checker in the background!

The burger club has gotten into the habit of coming together at the last minute – due to our varied schedules, it can be a struggle to gather people for drinks and food. This time, we were able to gather a large group and enjoy the sights of the city as well. We had a short tour of the guardian building, probably one of the most interesting and beautiful interiors in Detroit, and got a great view of the city’s skyline. After riding the elevators down, we strolled across the street and entered Grand Trunk.

Their decor brings together early 1900’s charm, a bit of Detroit ephemera, and a lot of brick and wood. The look works in a way that doesn’t feel too much like a trendy gastropub- it feels like an institution. And it is – The building was built in 1879 and used as a jewelry store, then the Grand Trunk Railroad ticket office in 1911, and finally a pub in 1935, which it remains to this day. You can feel the history seeping off of this place, which just the right amount of reverence for the past and balance with the beauty of modernity. That said, the cohesiveness of the theme fell short of its goal (especially in the back room).

The Front Room.

The Back Room.

Several of the group used the word “Rustic” when it came to Grand Trunk’s decor – but it doesn’t necessarily amount to anything. Phil described it as “Random Rustic” with a loose railroad theme.  A few of us thought the tables made of doors were a cool addition, but what was the point? We sat in a section directly next to an old kitchen vent hood, with a few random objects laying on it, and frankly, looking a little dusty. Gross.

This is nonsense.

With a large group, we often choose to come at off-times, so restaurants can accommodate us. Foran’s had no issue doing this – their gigantic back room was plenty of space to fit all 12 members who attended. It did feel a bit cut off, as you have no view of the bar, or the kitchen, or any goings-on. Its just you, the servers that come out to your table, and the “Random Rustic” theme surrounding you.

The service speed was good, for what we made our server deal with – Tuck’s late arrival and stacking of glasses, the odd combinations we requested, the sheer number of things to remember or write down when a group this size each orders burgers.  For the most part, she hit the mark in getting things right.

The kitchen, unfortunately, didn’t hold up their end of the bargain. Consistency in our burgers was widely variable. Mine came out a touch over I ordered, but still juicy. A bite of Alice’s burger, however, ordered medium, was dry and had a strong char on it. We both ordered the same burger, but the taste was remarkably different. That char wasn’t positive, as you might expect it could be – it overpowered the other ingredients and even the beefy flavor.

It wasn’t an isolated incident, either. Several members reported that pervasive char and marked their scores accordingly. Others reported their burgers undercooked. Scott and Lindsay, who ordered patty melts, reported that the sogginess of their bread was too much, and very preventable with different technique or an additional cheese barrier.

An ample amount of fries.

That’s pretty juicy.

For the most part, however, people enjoyed their burgers. Bonnie and Jeff liked the corned beef on the Foran burger, which added a different layer of flavor. The bacon-blue cheese combo on the Cow Catcher was smoky, sweet and pungent, blending together into a great burger (when the patty was cooked correctly.) The buns, baked by Golden Wheat (Another Hamtramck specialty!) and topped with poppy seeds, were highly regarded and held up to messy ingredients, even Bonnie’s sloppy coleslaw.

Sides at Foran’s include deep fried green beans, deep fried pickles, sweet potato fries, regular fries, onion rings, and a slew of other appetizers. The green beans and pickles had distinctly different batters – a cornmeal based batter for the beans, and a sweeter and craggier flour batter for the pickles. The chef has certainly put some thought into these, and the dipping sauces served alongside were an excellent complement to the crunchy vegetables.

Fried Green Beans.

Foran’s has a lot going for it. They have a premium location, great beer list, and a clear historical place in Downtown Detroit. They have an extensive menu that will appeal to most people without scaring anyone way. They have good service and a place to serve big groups of people. But in the rest of their endeavors, they’re always just ALMOST there – everyone’s burger should have been as good as mine, and cooked correctly to order. Technical problems with soggy patty melt bread can be quickly sorted out. Their decor can use a rethinking (and a dusting). A serious concerted effort should be made to put together a theme that means something, or evokes actual nostalgia, or abandons nostalgia altogether for a unique look.

Don’t get me wrong – Foran’s is a good place to go, and if you’ve read our archives, you’ll know that it has a lot more to it than some other burger places. Foran’s pops up right in the middle of our ratings, for burgers and for overall rating. With a few further steps, I’m confident they’d move up the scale.

Ratings:

Burger: 3.79
Service: 4.16
Atmosphere: 4.09
Value: 3.33
Overall Rating: 3.817

Alice – “Too meaty/charred for this reformed vegetarian.” 4/5
Bonnie – “Foran burger was good. Corned beef went well with the burger. Subbed Coleslaw, made it a very messy burger. The bun bottom did not hold up. I couldn’t get a good taste of the patty because there was so much other stuff on it. Great slaw! “ 4/5
Brett – “The burger came out pretty standard, I asked for it cooked medium, and it came out more well done. Overall, average, and I’d come back for food, but also the great beer menu.” 3.5/5
Erik – “Cool door tables. Great beer menu! Simcoe silly 16 oz for $5.50 (mistake?)” 4.5/5
Jack – “Rustic burgers, Great location.” 4/5
Jeff – “I love Grand Trunk Pub
Give me beers, give me burgers
Corned beef tops it off”5/5
Lindsay – “The patty melt was good, but not enough onion. They should have paused before putting the burger on the bread, because it got soggy. Cheese could have been better. The bread was good, though. Don’t blame the toast.“ 2.5/5
Phil – “There are cabinets full of ‘Grand Gear’. I have never nor do I hope to ever see someone wearing a “Grand Truck” shirt. This place offers little more than good location and a lack of anything weird or offensive. Stick to business lunches and happy hour. Low music volume – a plus.” 3/5
Rachel – “Burger was slightly undercooked – but better than overcooked” 3.5/5
Sala – “It was a burger. Price may have been a little steep – $15 with fries. We had a nice table.” 3/5
Scott –
“Grand Trunk serves burgers
Served on soggy toasted bread
But the beer is good.” 4/5

Foran’s Grand Trunk Pub
612 Woodward Ave. Detroit MI 48226
(313) 961-3043

Brayz Hamburgers: An examination of the Slider -OR- Brayzboozled: The Hazel Park Bait & Switch

What is a slider?

To the newcomer to Detroit, the vegetarian, or the uninformed, it’s a good question, and one with a lengthy history. This question is crucial to understanding our trip to Brayz, this week’s Burger Club pick. There is some contention about what a slider is, and looking to the past can give us a better way to define it. And though there’s no way I can cover everything, I can give you some basics here.

You may be familiar with White Castle, which first opened in 1921 in Wichita, Kansas. At this point in time, the public was afraid of ground beef, and for good reason. In 1906, Upton Sinclair published “The Jungle”, which detailed the terrible and disgusting conditions that took place inside slaughterhouses and meat-packing plants. The Jungle, along with other journalistic efforts,  prompted Roosevelt to sign the Food and Drug Act, create the FDA, and make conditions quite a bit safer and more sanitary.

The public, however, didn’t immediately accept that things had changed. With so much skepticism, any change had to be immediately visible – proof of cleanliness within a restaurant was a good start. White Castle did this very well – sparkling white buildings, white walls, and visibly clean kitchens that customers could see made it much more comfortable to order some ground beef. That beef was sold inside ‘slyders’, which are small, thin hamburger patties, grilled over onions, served with pickle slices on top on steamed buns. You wouldn’t buy just one – you’d need a whole bag of burgers to get a full meal.  White Castle perfected this simple creation, and the restaurant popped up all around the country, eventually becoming treasured by many Detroiters.

White Castle quickly took off, and other burger places followed their formula. White Towers, Motz restaurants, and a few other standalone burger places popped up throughout Detroit. They all carried the same hallmarks that White Castle did – sparkling white buildings, easy takeout, bags of burgers for cheap, and clean diner-style interiors. For years, they flourished.

Despite their early popularity, these burger dynasties didn’t all last. When the White Towers started to close, they changed names and ownership, but the traditions remained. You can still see many of these buildings in operation, and many of them continue to house slider restaurants. One example is Campau Tower, a favorite of Hamtramck locals.

Brayz is another one of those restaurants following in the White  Castle/Tower tradition. I’ve driven by it many times, noticed the porcelain-white walls and takeout area, marveled at the giant donkey on the roof, and ultimately decided that I would come back later. I do love sliders (don’t you?) – and we hadn’t met up in Hazel Park at all yet.

The Next Ferndale?

Hazel Park might be in the midst of a rebirth.  With Mabel Gray recently opening and Cellarmen’s taking their mead-making expertise from Ferndale, there are some great changes happening in Hazel Park. The city is poised to make a comeback, and Hazel Park has been touted by The Detroit News as Metro Detroit’s next hot neighborhood. 

“John R is the next Nine Mile,” claimed Sala, Hazel Park almost-resident, as she put in her fifth offer for a house in Hazel Park. “I can’t wait for this city to be full of shops and restaurants.” 

Bordered by Royal Oak, Ferndale, Detroit, Madison Heights, and Warren, One would reasonably suspect that Hazel Park contains aspects of all of these cities. The popular dining and shopping scenes making the media are indeed seeping in slowly. But at its heart,  Hazel Park has a sturdy working class backbone. This notion is reinforced by asking residents about their favorite places to eat and drink within the city. You’ll hear Mabel Gray and Cellarmen’s on the list, of course. However, most locals will tell you about the incredible Loui’s Pizza, their favorite sports or dive bar (like House of Shamrocks or Eddie’s), or their favorite place for cheap burgers, like today’s subject – Brayz . These local favorites all have something in common- they represent the blue collar culture that continues to pervade Hazel Park.

As it stands, Hazel Park is both its potential and its past, and may have trouble finding its identity as a destination within Metro Detroit. But right now, amidst the confusion, Hazel Park represents a sparkling opportunity for a collusion between the new and the old. The Motor City Burger Club found a perfect way to skim between the two: Picking up burgers from the working class temple of Brayz Hamburgers, and devouring them in the newly opened Cellarmen’s Meadery. This also turned out to be our biggest club meeting yet – with sixteen members showing up to eat and drink.

MCBC waits in the sun.

Yup, that’s a slider.

With the basics covered above, we have the formula for a Detroit slider restaurant: Lots of white and stainless steel on the interior and exterior, a separate takeout entrance to shield you from the elements while you wait, some stools next to a diner style bar, cash only, and pretty similar (and small) menus. But what about the slider itself?

The White Castle formula is where the slider started – and where the basic elements come from. Some people believe that any small sandwich is a slider – you’ll see chicken, pork, fish, and vegetarian “sliders” on many menus throughout the last five years.  Green Dot Stables is guilty of pushing this trend (and that’s not to say I don’t like Green Dot). But, you know what? they’re wrong.

Of course, size is a factor. But equally important is the grilled onion, the mustard, and the pickles, and arguably the old and seasoned flat top grill. One could reasonably say that Green Dot really only has one slider on their menu – the “cheeseburger”, served with onions and pickles. I wouldn’t go to a Detroit slider place and expect to get mayonnaise, tomatoes, or lettuce on my burgers, and I’m totally okay with that.  If I want a pub burger, I know where to go. When I want a slider? Well, I’m going to have to be more picky.

Burgers at the end of the tunnel.

Brayz’ burgers, without question, fit within the definition of slider. While Brayz grills their sliders in the standard way – cooking one side of the patty with a bit of a smash on a flattop, then cooking the other side on top of a small pile of grilled onions, they don’t go the Telway route of covering the burgers/buns with towels to steam. It should also be noted that Brayz never uses the term “slider” on their menu. They sell “Hamburgers” and “Cheeseburgers”. But these are small, thin patties, grilled over onions, served on small buns with pickles and optional ketchup and mustard. Sounds like a slider to me.

The rest of the menu helps to set Brayz apart from their competitors. They have some interesting shakes on their menu (pineapple, cherry, and banana; beyond the regular chocolate, strawberry, and vanilla) along with their unique “Belly Buster” burgers. The Belly Busters include 1000 island dressing, to add a sweetness and tanginess to the regular burgers.

That’s not really impressive to me; it might be to you. The shakes, however, DO interest me. Unfortunately, Their machine was broken when MCBC went to visit. If they’re worth it? I may never know.

What we found:

Because there is no steaming involved, those top buns were pretty dry. Of course, slider patties are small – and have very little moisture to lose already. Most of it goes to the flattop and the hood vent, and the small amount that remains is within the patties themselves. That leaves a negligible amount to moisten the bun.

Compounding that problem, Lindsay, Ian and Bonnie had big issues with the large size of the buns compared to the smaller patties, leaving them chewing on dry pieces of bread after all the goods were gone. They are too dry, and whatever small amount of moisture was in those patties was simply not enough for the burgers. Sala described the patties as “wafer-like”, while Jeff described his buns as “crusty”. Those are two terms I don’t want to hear to describe any kind of burger. Rough.

Many MCBC folks had issues with the cooking and the burger quality.  Notice the variance in textures and doneness of these Brayz burgers.

While Bonnie found that her Belly Buster presented more toppings to balance out the dryness, and Ian enjoyed his patty melt better than the sliders, the fundamental dryness problem remained. All burgers were all served on the same size buns- a smaller bun for smaller burgers would make sense, but this isn’t the case. The one-size-fits-all approach ultimately hurts Brayz’ credibility and burger enjoyment, and seemed to be the cause of a lot of unhappiness with our food.

The sides didn’t fare so well either – they were all rated pretty mediocre. Onion rings were more enjoyed than the French fries, but were pretty much what you’d expect. They weren’t wormy, they had a satisfying salty and crunchy exterior, they hit all the check marks of onion rings. I didn’t even save any notes on the fries – they were just fries. In retrospect, it’s actually pretty remarkable how unremarkable they were.

There is some opportunity here to try other menu items, which were pretty highly regarded by our members, and the breakfast options are admittedly a little enticing. But based on this visit, it seems like we found a slider place in which the sliders were the least enjoyed thing on the menu.

When you see those white walls and chrome counters, and smell the onions on that flat top grill, you expect a fine slider. Instead, we got some other pretty good burgers, some poor sliders, and some mediocre sides.  But was our mindset affected in other ways?

Working Class Burgers, Upper Class Brews

We ate all of our takeout orders at Cellarmen’s in Hazel Park, just a short drive away.  They have a huge space to drink, talk, eat, and enjoy. Odd and sexual art adorns the walls, small amounts of natural light flow in through high windows, and although it kind of looks like an old VFW hall in size and layout, it has a cohesive theme. We fit all of our members around one huge wooden table – and though the folks at one end couldn’t talk with the other end, it was nice to share a meal together.

Cellarmen’s only sells their own drinks. Luckily, that includes meads, beers, and ciders, all ranging from sweet to dry – so everyone can find something they like. The super friendly guys that started Cellarmen’s started out at B. Nektar, just a couple miles away, which has gained accolades across the country. They have tough competition with Schramm’s in Ferndale as well – where Ken Schramm, who is considered to be a top meadmaker in the US, sells his award winning meads. Fortunately, Cellarmen’s have stepped up to the challenge and deliver some excellent beverages.

Giant tables, great drinks.

On previous visits, I was able to talk to one of the meadmakers who described their dedication to their craft – using all fresh ingredients and no extracts whatsoever. This means hand processing tons and tons of berries, ginger, and other spices and fruits for their drinks. The results come through in the exceptionally smooth and fresh-tasting drinks such as the Hungry Girl mead (with strawberry and white pepper), the Moscow Miel (ginger and lime mead that tastes like your favorite cocktail) and the Saigon Sin cider (with Saigon cinnamon and vanilla bean).

We loved the space and the drinks, but we found that maybe that working class vibe didn’t work so well in this space. Taking the slider out of the diner environment may have been a mistake – We didn’t get the full Detroit slider experience.

The diner tables, chrome, white surfaces, and bright outside lights of a slider restaurant all combine into an inherently comfortable and nostalgic experience. That comfortability allows for more variation in food quality, and perhaps a lower expectation of the food that is being eaten. You don’t expect a whole lot from the food, but you expect to be full of salt, fat, and carbs. That’s exactly what we got from Brayz.

We became shadows of ourselves – much as our sliders were shadows of their possibilities.

In our dark hall with viking-size tables, we had different expectations. The atmosphere (and drinks) would have paired better with some light appetizers, salads, maybe some grilled salmon. Nobody would have rejected a roasted turkey sandwich with arugula and artisanal bread in that big mead hall. What we brought in, however, was a far cry from a masterfully crafted sandwich.

I’m giving Brayz the benefit of the doubt here. Maybe we were judging them a bit too harshly in our upscale environment. Either way, it seems that the staples of the past and the indulgences of the present just might not line up as well as we hope for – Old Hazel Park and New Hazel Park will need some time to figure out their relationship, much like our burgers and our mead mixed in our stomachs.

In Summary:

I don’t go out to eat burgers that much any more, so when I do I try to make it count. And when it comes down to it, there are better sliders out there. Brayz will satisfy a slider craving, even if you see it as a small hamburger rather than a slider (but if you do, you’re wrong). It’ll fill you up for a good price. You won’t feel bad about going there. But with Telway’s Madison Heights restaurant a mere 9 minutes away, you may just want to go there for their sliders, for the double-double coffee, for the steamed buns, and for their weird regulars.

I will definitely be back to Cellarmen’s. There wasn’t a complaint among us about the location, staff, drinks, or ambiance.

It’s not always possible to look to the future while appreciating the past, and this was one of those occasions. But what I took out of it? An appreciation for the finer things in life, including friends, good drinks, a sunny winter day, and an understanding of which facets of nostalgia are actually worth a damn. That’s worth even more.

Ratings:

Burger: 2.95
Service: 3.81
Atmosphere: 3.34
Value: 3.61
Overall Rating: 3.367

Alex – 3/5
Alice – 3.7/5
Alicia – 4/5
Bonnie – “My first burger was tasty. I was hungry. I enjoyed the Billy Bob with 1000 Island and a double patty, better bun to bread ratio. Not a fan of the top bun. “ 3/5
Brett – “I would eat it again in a pinch, but it was not particularly outstanding. “ 3/5
Carl – 3.65/5
David – 3/5
Erik – “The breakfast sandwiches and shakes might be good. Two sliders was enough, three was too much.” 3/5

Frank – 2.9/5
Ian – 3.8/5
Jack – 3.9/5
Jeff – “Onion rings were great
Buns were a little crusty
I like the burger.

Onions steamed nicely
I wish they were cut smaller
Long bits pull from bun.”4/5
Joe – 3.3/5
Lindsay – “Met expectations. The only problem was that  the bun was too big for the size of the patty. The onions, pickles and condiments were solid. “3.5/5
Rachel – “The onions were bitter – I wish they were cooked longer/caramelized.” 3/5
Sala – “Brayz did not alter the course of my life.” 3.6/5

Brayz Hamburgers
22941 Dequindre Rd, Hazel Park, MI 48030
(248) 542-8878

Cellarmen’s
24310 John R Rd
Hazel Park, MI 48030
(586) 413-4206

Photos by Erik and David

Checker Bar

At some point in our lives, I think everyone experiences a moment where they realize that their parents aren’t gods, and they’re just as flawed as we are. You’ll wake up from a 16-year-old wet dream about the cute girl in class, stumble downstairs for sugary cereal, and find your father standing next to the fridge, shirtless, holding the carcass of a chicken that he is cleaning off with his teeth. You’ll find your mother, normally pristine and orderly, coming home a bit drunk and hugging you too much before saying embarrassing things about your former toilet training habits or the way you liked to run around naked in front of guests.

Checker Bar feels like the place that all of these things might start. The death of innocence, the segue into maturity, the brief indescribable moment where childhood ends and we realize that we’ll probably be alright anyway.

Opening the doors of Checker, you’ll feel a puff of musty air hit your face. The smells and memories of thousands of cigarettes smoked, beers spilled on the floor, and the conversations of our grandparents lingering in the atmosphere. The decor matches the feeling of nostalgia. Edison bulbs, obviously checkered tabletops, a long wooden bar, some stuff on the wall, wood paneling, a slew of pinball and arcade machines and a kitchen hidden from view. Honestly, it’s not too far away from what Pizza Hut used to look like – and let’s not even get into the embarrassing memories that came out of there.

In the middle of a hot Southeast Michigan summer, you might already feel like you’re less than half alive. Take a trip in to Checker’s on a Sunday afternoon, like the three of us did, and you’ll have to pinch yourself to make sure you’re still going. Customers float around like tortured ghosts, and the bartender, while nice enough, serves some perverted metaphor of apathy with your draft beer that will make you feel like you’re in a waiting room to hell. With that said, their beer selection will cool you down, with a good selection of national (no emphasis on regional, unfortunately) craft beers for good prices.

The menu goes along the same lines – simple offerings, good prices, great weekday specials. You can get out of here at a normal time for under ten dollars for a filling meal, or you can spend a little more and get something more unique. The $6.25 Checker Burger, topped with lettuce, tomato, and onion, is a classic choice. Cheese is an extra $.75. They also offer a blue cheese burger, a patty melt, a turkey burger, and a lamb burger – and additional toppings can be put on anything. A very simple menu allows for infinite combinations, all presented on a wrinkled paper menu. All patties are 1/3 pound, which is just enough to be filling without being gluttonous (but you can get a half pound patty for a couple extra dollars).

There’s also hot dogs, sandwiches, and sloppy joes on the menu, if you really want to find some mimicry of your parents’ Midwestern upbringing in your food. Fries, tots, onion rings, and slaw round out Checker’s sides menu,and a “Snacks” portion could hold you over until you just give in and order something more substantial.

Service was pretty fast, despite the apathy, and we didn’t have to wait long for our food. When you spend a lot of time worrying about the imminent heat death of the universe, time is not meant to be wasted. I ordered the checker burger with blue cheese. Mark got the blues burger, expecting something similar, and not noticing the odd inclusion of barbecue sauce. He wasn’t pleased.

Burgers were cooked as ordered, and my medium rare was actually medium rare. The seasoning was simple, and the patties came out not very charred, but still juicy – exactly what you’d expect from a bar with old-school charm, made with high quality ingredients and purporting to be a classic.The buns were weak, boring, heartless. Mine almost fell apart, due to lack of toasting or too airy of a crumb. Burger purveyors: please find something in between a cheap fluffy bun and brioche. Nobody likes a juicy meal to fall apart, and simple doesn’t have to mean poorly constructed.

Although everything in Checker Bar feels like it’s old (except the food, fortunately), they also embrace more retro-modern pasttimes. The upstairs space often hosts pop up dining and other events, there is a monthly BYOV (Bring Your Own Vinyl) night, and Offworld Arcade regularly brings a number of arcade cabinets to the bar for $5 free play all night. It provides an often strange and interesting night at the bar, miles away in atmosphere from downtown’s typical sports bars and Greektown tourist bars.

As we left, seeking another respite from the scorching sun, we glanced back at the bar. It was easy to put our pasts behind us, having lived full childhoods within the space of a couple hours, and coming out dazed with the unfortunate responsibilities of adulthood. I know, it all sounds really uncomfortable. However, there’s something comforting about one fact: we can go and revisit that past at any time we want.

This post is approved by Checker Bar’s giant burger.

Ratings:

Burger: 3.89
Service: 4.08
Atmosphere: 4.06
Value: 3.78
Overall Rating: 3.94

Erik: “I was a little depressed by the mostly-empty bar, but I imagine it would be cool during an event. The food was solid. Ground beef was excellent, and the bun didn’t fall apart, but it would have if the burger had wetter toppings. ” 4.5/5

Mark: “I don’t like BBQ sauce, and I should have customized my burger. I like vegetables, and there weren’t any on the burger I ordered. Fries were A+.” 3/5  

Brett: “This is a place I would definitely return to. The food, value, and scenery meld well together. I had a delicious burger in a cool spot. Definitely worth the time and price.” 4/5

Checker Bar Detroit
124 Cadillac Square
Detroit, MI 48226
(313) 961-9249

Ye Olde Saloon

I’m just going to come out and say it. I’m not a huge fan of Royal Oak. Much of my time attempting to try to go to bars there leaves me getting elbowed out by a whole bunch of people I purposefully avoided in college: the ones wearing too much cologne, a stock set of clothing, and totally devoid of anything interesting to say. Don’t get me wrong, there are a few great standout spots in Royal Oak- Lockhart’s is one of my favorite spots for barbecue in Metro Detroit, The Main Art Theatre plays great films, Peking House is the best Americanized Chinese place with the most frantic and weird waitress, and I’ve had a few great meals at Comet Burger (yet to be visited by MCBC).

Unfortunately, the majority of the bars and restaurants in the area cater to a crowd that I don’t want to be around. I will ALWAYS prefer a grimy bar with a lot of loud characters and a decent jukebox over an extra-clean bar with a bunch of tvs and specialty cocktail menus designed for girls who just turned 21. So when a friend recommended Ye Olde Saloon to me, I was pretty skeptical. “They have dollar burgers on Sunday” was the reply. I would be a stubborn fool to ignore that suggestion.

Pulling up to the restaurant, I was prepared to be disappointed.The bar sits at the edge of the downtown district, in a pretty unremarkable building. That’s a good sign, I thought to myself. When my eyes adjusted to the darkness after walking in, I was feeling even better. With a few goofy murals, a sparse barely-western theme, and a central bar/kitchen area between the two rooms, there’s not a whole lot to this place except a lot of room to move around. They spruce it up a bit with a free shuffleboard table (nice!) and a bunch of pinball machines, the electronic game choice of winners. The crowd was varied – from the group of twenty-something guys playing poker, to a few middle-aged men at the bar watching hockey, to groups of people like us looking for a cheap beer and a cheap burger. It is a place that appeals to all demographics.

Our waitress was a little less of a good omen- frantically covering too many tables, and being a just a little too fidgety, if you know what I mean. We ordered a bunch of pitchers to share, for $11 each. There are a few craft beers on tap too, but we were in value mode- no time for the good stuff. Most of us waited for a few stragglers by intensely staring at our personalized burger sheets and asking deep questions (“What IS saloon sauce?”), while Rachel blew bubbles in her water.

The burger ordering system is pretty efficient and self-explanatory (except for the saloon sauce thing). The base price is a dollar, then various toppings are additional cost. I went with a standard burger, decked out with saloon sauce (turns out to be a dijon/mayo kind of thing – we all loved it), tomato, cheddar, grilled onion, and bacon. Other orders were similarly or more complicated, but luckily we had sheets to keep track of our toppings.

The half pound patty presented here is not low quality, it’s not skimpy, and it’s worth the price. Toppings were fresh, and the patties were cooked almost perfectly to order. The list of toppings encourages you to mix and match, and presenting so many options means you are undoubtedly going to order a lot of things. The only issue with this is that your burger is going to bet bogged down by juices, condiments, and liquids from vegetables- and the cheap standard burger bun that Ye Olde uses is not designed to stand up to those forces. Almost everyone barely had a bun halfway through eating. Another downside was the skimpy and useless bacon, which didn’t really add anything to my burger. Despite a few shortcomings, the burger was an overall winner.

There is no way to make food look good in light this low.

They were out of onion rings, but the tots and french fries were all good and crispy. It’s possible they were frozen, but it didn’t really matter, they hit the spot. Besides the good food, the service left a lot to be desired. Steven felt like the waitress told him he was lying about the egg he ordered on his burger. Bonnie ended up with a pitcher she didn’t really ask for – though the group was divided on if Bonnie actually did order that pitcher. The jury is still out, but we ended up with way more beer than we needed.

Personally, I thought food and drinks at Ye Olde Saloon were a great value, the shuffleboard was excellent, the burger was great, and I got what I asked for- but I guess i didn’t send any confusing signals to the waitress. Keep in mind that our review was done just for their specials night- which meant our low bills (nobody paid more than $5 for a burger!) were surprising and excellent. On normal days the burgers start at five dollars – still not a bad deal, but higher than what we paid. This should be taken into consideration when looking at our rating scores.

I’ll go back for a decent burger, a divey ambiance, and a little bit of a weird crowd for Royal Oak. The value really shouldn’t be passed up, and the whole thing is worth it to see what the other perspective of Royal Oakers may be like. Don’t be like me- go in with an open mind. Even if you’re not happy, you can play a free game of shuffleboard to ease your pain – or take your chances at the distinctly basic bars down the street.

Ratings:

Burger: 3.76
Service: 3.29
Atmosphere: 3.67
Value: 4.17
Overall Rating: 3.784

Erik: “Great old-looking dark bar. Someone played some Metallica, and then Ramones. Bacon was weak. ” 4.5/5

Rachel: Burgers are tasty
Burgers are very good.
Do you like burgers?
3/5  

Jeff:
My topping choices
These reflect my soul, my self
I enjoy choosing
4/5

Bonnie G:
“-I really liked the saloon sauce!
-Again, why did I get another pitcher. Pissed.
-Didn’t bring Stevie’s egg. He felt awkward!
-Out of onion rings :(” 
3.75/5

Steven G: “When I ordered egg on my burger the waitress told me I didn’t order it even though I did. I didn’t like being accused. Also, the waitress brought out an additional pitcher without our ordering it.” 4/5

Sala:
“-The bun got so soggy throughout.
-Bonnie definitely ordered that pitcher.
-I would like to join the Sunday poker group.” 4/5

Mark : “BEST PRICE FOR SUNDAY! The waitress was on coke but I was OK with it. Shuffleboard makes up for everything! XOXO” 3/5

Ye Olde Saloon
1023 S. Main Street, Royal Oak, MI 48067
(248) 542-5900

Mercury Burger & Bar

If you ask a newcomer to Detroit where to get burgers, or consult Yelp, you may get recommendations for Mercury. This Corktown restaurant has been open for a couple years now, and certainly fit in with the small but growing neighborhood of restaurants and stores collecting in this area of New Detroit. As everyone who has tried to go to Slow’s knows, it is packed. You’re going to have to wait. Dealing with this wait time usually includes heading over to Astro Coffee for a great pourover cup, Sugar House for a well-crafted cocktail, or to Mercury if your hunger is immense. I believe the Slow’s overflow brings them a lot of business, and they have the capacity to take advantage of it.

Mercury was designed a bit like an old-school diner. There are a lot of tiles, yes. But in New Detroit, the classic White Tower diner has changed. Mercury gets rid of the Formica counter tops in favor of a lot of stainless steel, a bar top that would fit in at any new sports bar, a weirdly out of place downstairs men’s bathroom, and a whole lot of faux-retro accents. Yeah, it works, but it isn’t necessarily that new or inventive, and is so different from the classic style that it doesn’t evoke any kind of nostalgia.

Of course, they adopted the moniker “Burger & Bar” to their name, so MCBC couldn’t avoid it forever. Most of us had been there before, for Poutine, a burger, or a craft beer (While waiting for Slow’s, usually). But getting together for an actual review was a must. A group of us got there early and were nice enough to save a table. Due to traffic and general late behaviors, the rest of us were about 40 minutes late. Frank dutifully held our ten person table with Joe, despite a barrage of dirty looks, server annoyance, and multiple frantic phone calls to us stuck in traffic.

Seems like this has happened before. Luckily Mercury was much cooler about it, and our server didn’t seem to mind that we were the slowest. I hope everyone tipped her well! I’ve heard complaints about really weird service here – awkward waitstaff, slow times, and weird food arrivals. Luckily, we didn’t have any of these issues. The staff was pretty quick considering our large table and the fact that the place was super busy.

Their drink menu is pretty impressive – it includes a number of draft taps, milkshakes (boozy or not) and cocktails. Most are reasonably priced, and the ability to get a Michigan craft beer on tap always gets points in my book, though I’m not happy to pay $6.50 or $7 for a pint. The burger selection is also huge, with 15 different choices, including a portobello burger, a black bean burger, a turkey burger, a salmon burger, and a wide range of toppings on their regular beef burgers. Keep your eyes open while you’re reading these, because the toppings are going to be really important to this burger. The basic burger (lettuce, tomato, pickle, onion) goes for $7, and the rest range up to $10. Mercury doesn’t have the cheapest burger, but it’s appropriately priced for Corktown. I opted for the French Onion burger (with bacon, caramelized onions, gruyere cheese, crispy onion straws) and a serving of poutine, because I apparently wanted the most umami thing possible.

Also on the menu is a range of french fries and tater tots, seasoned and unseasoned, a bunch of sandwiches, salads, and some hot dogs. You could probably find something for a picky child here, and your parents wouldn’t be offended either.

Presentation for all things here includes an aluminum tray (or a paper basket), some branded paper, and your food. The consistency of branding and metal throughout the restaurant is nice and cohesive. The food is attractive, and designed for instagramming. This is good.

When you bite in, you will be surprised by a few things. That delicious looking patty is a little dry, and not too seasoned. This might be by design, to hold up the substantial amount of ingredients, but it is still bad. The bun is a little flimsy, and if it is toasted, it is hard to tell. Mercury really could pick up some buns that don’t immediately soak and fall apart into their matching metal trays. The toppings really drive these burgers. They are fresh, substantial, and perfect in their combinations. This is a problem – a burger should be good when it is not loaded up with the other things, because you will be able to tell when it doesn’t. We certainly noticed. With the seasoning amped up a bit and better buns, this would certainly raise marks. If you’re a freak for toppings, this might be your favorite thing. Unfortunately, we didn’t really think so.

Their french fries and tots were also good, but not the best. There are better spots in town, without a doubt (I recommend Brooklyn Street Local for Poutine, it’s the most authentic). They were, however, freshly made and not a bad addition to the meal. You and your family would do well to share one order – they are big. On top of the big burgers, you’ll be getting a huge meal.

There were a lot of things to like. A wide menu that covers a lot of ground for picky and non-picky eaters. Good service (this time). Fresh ingredients. Craft beer. But the suburban crowd, the boring patties, and high prices turned us off. Nothing really excited us here, and nothing made us want to go out of our way to come back. They will rightfully get tucked away in the middle of the MCBC review pack.

Ratings:

Burger: 3.91
Service: 4.14
Atmosphere: 3.82
Value: 3.53
Overall Rating: 3.83

Erik: “Poutine was meh. Their bun could use some improvement. Great toppings make this burger good. ” 3.6/5

Frank:  “The limes suck! Too dry. Kinda too busy for basic stuff. I hear the shakes are good but they take too long.” 3.5/5

Patrick: “Bun is soft. Great patty. Chewy bacon, thick cuts. Poutine is good. Poutine needs more cheese curds.” 4/5

Moses: “ I debated ordering a second beer ($6.50 pints… we’re not in Hamtramck anymore) then I ordered it, and they give the bill to Frank! Points for Mercury Bar! Too much sad indie music makes my burger cry. This might be, like, 6th on my list of recommending if someone asked me for a good burger place.” 3/5

Connie Gibson: “Burgers were on the small side, but don’t come with fries/sides! No pickle 😦 The Poutine was really good!” 3.8/5

Carl “The Gangsta Snarl” : “I like the burger- very unique. I DEMOLISHED this burger in record time. NO BABY STOMACH HERE. I would come back if I lived closer.” 4/5 (Ed. Note: Carl ordered the Southwest Burger)

Mercury Burger & Bar
2163 Michigan Ave, Detroit, MI 48216
(313) 964-5000
http://www.mercuryburgerbar.com

(photos by Erik and Carl.)

Falling Down Beer Company

Welcome back, folks! Apologies for the long hiatus, as the holidays seem to grip us into seemingly never-ending torrents of family, food, and social obligations. At the dawn of this year’s Vortex, we bring you a review from an event a couple months ago, at Warren’s Falling Down Brewery.

I was speaking to my talkative and overeager friend Sala about food, as usual, when she stated bugging me about burgers. She prodded me about Redcoat Tavern (yeah, we’ll get there eventually, we know) and some as yet unvisited places in Pontiac (though I’m not sure I can handle the long drive and sadness). Though she did make a good point – It had been a while since we got together for burgers. With her constant goading, I really had no choice but to invite her to the upcoming event. You’re welcome, Sala. She brought along her boyfriend and general good dude, Dave (who continues to give me shit about the Miller’s beatdown) as well as our friend Bonnie, who had previously suggested that we travel to Cutter’s (good recommendation!)

Although there were a ton of places on the list to go, a recent visit to some local breweries had inspired me. Amongst them, and closest, was Falling Down. I had picked Falling Down Brewery for a few reasons-

1) Their beer is great. Their Ninja Chicken Pale Ale is quality, and Suburban Home IPA is one of my favorites. Not only is it named after one of my favorite Descendents songs, but the bright citrus flavors are well balanced by pale malts. Even if the food was terrible, I’d have some fantastic beers to forget the experience with.

2) The employees and brewers are awesome – I had a chance to speak with them about their beers previously during beer festivals and at the taproom, and they were as happy as ever to talk about what they were doing.

3) Fellow beer nerds kept talking about the food – specifically the Reuben Egg Rolls and Burgers.

4) So close to Hamtramck! How could I resist?

The deal was sealed, and the date was set. We drove up to Warren and met at the restaurant. If Falling Down feels like it used to be a diner, you’re right. It used to be My Mother’s Place, a mediocre diner with an intentionally annoying name, until Falling Down bought it and opened their doors in the spring of 2013. This transition from diner to brewery and taproom might seem like a strange one, and it definitely is. The identity crisis of the space is one of the first indications of the quirky nature of their beers, food, owners and patrons. These characteristics end up being mostly to the brewery’s benefit – There is an immediate realization that things here might be a bit different upon entering. This feeling doesn’t really fade, and although I enjoy the surroundings, the problem comes when you continue to realize it after your third beer. When I felt the pangs of guilt of sitting in a Big Boy with a buzz on instead of the relaxation that comes from my favorite dive bars, I realized that my feelings of unease may be shared by others.

Some dreamcatchers, some board games, some Bonnie, and a cool fall night.

This feeling is comforted by a few factors – the service I’ve received has always been excellent. Rory served us, and was as welcoming and friendly as ever. He explained patiently and happily about the beers, the menu, and the specials (Analog Amber Ale Pints for $3!) He was replaced by another girl (to my embarrassment, I don’t remember her name), who took over gracefully and was equally as helpful. Though the population of the bar was described as a very “Warren Crowd” by the girls from Southfield, everyone was very relaxed, and families felt at ease alongside younger couples, the bachelorette party that came in, and lone drinkers.

Happy hour, flights, cheap pints, trivia? What else could you ask for?

Our ordering and decision process was harrowing and intense, as meals always are with Sala, and we ended up ordering a couple appetizers in addition to our burgers.  While we waited, we sampled the beer selection. The Green Tea IPA I ordered wasn’t really hitting the spot for me, though it definitely tasted as advertised- it was good and distinctly tea-like, but not something that I wanted a full pint of. Dave ordered the smoked pepper beer at some point, which he described as “quite meaty, almost like a salty bacon.” Despite the couple of flavored beers on the menu, their regular offerings were excellent, and the analog amber price was right on. Since they operate on such a small scale, their beer menu is constantly rotating. If there is a beer you like there, I’d recommend calling and asking if it is on tap, as the site is not always up to date.

a bachelorette party drinks next a family. Is this normal in Warren?

Out came the reuben egg rolls and fried pork belly bites. The presentation was perfect, though they were ultimately pretty small portions. The pork bites came with a side of maple mustard glaze, which paired well but was ultimately not very interesting. The pork itself was great. We all enjoyed the Reuben Egg Rolls, but Bonnie wasn’t sure they compared to the ones from the restaurant she refers to as “Asians”, an east side staple.

The menu contains a pretty short list of items, including the aforementioned appetizers, in addition to soups, salads, a kids menu, and the burgers. They do have a black bean burger on their menu, and although none of us tried it, i’d wager that it is made well. Now keep in mind that this food isn’t going to be cheap – you’re going to pay about 10-15 dollars for an entree. The burgers ranged from $9.25-$12.00, which I immediately had doubts about. It generally isn’t necessary to pay that much for a good burger (remember the low prices at Cutter’s?). However, I went forward with an open mind. Several of us got the pub burgers, and Bonnie and Sala ordered some fried chicken sliders from the specials menu in addition to a burger.

After another drink, our massive burgers came out. At least 6 inches high, these mounds of bun, meat and and toppings astonished us with their size. After a bit of smushing, they were worked into manageable bites. They were great- cooked perfectly, with a solid bun that held all the juices in without any issues. The toppings were fresh, the bacon was crispy with a bit of chew (just how I like it) and everything was appropriately portioned. This is a solid burger, folks. If you’re seeking out a good burger for cheap, this isn’t it, but the price you pay will get you something excellent. If you’ve been following our past posts, you’ll find that the score on this burger itself actually beat all the others- by a significant margin.

The burger – complete with a bit of greasy-finger lens flare.

The chips served on the side were crispy, well-seasoned, and exactly what i’d like with my burger if I’m not getting fries. The fried chicken sliders got a warm response, but not compared to the quality of the burgers or appetizers.  Then we come to the pickles. The pickles themselves were delicious (not to mention being produced on the border of Hamtramck by McClure’s), but along with them came some kind of sense of entitlement. We didn’t ask for these pickles, they were on the side, served as an extra to the actual meals that we ordered. It seems like a pretty nice thing to do, right? Apparently not. Sala and Bonnie didn’t even know their pickles existed until after they finished their burgers, and this enraged them. ‘What is the point of serving a pickle this small?’ they inquired with audible exasperation.  I shrugged, and ate my pickle. It was great.

As I write this review, I realize the folly in the fact that I haven’t been back to drink a pint, get a growler fill, or have a bite to eat. This place is a bit of a gem. Though the price for food is more than I can normally spend, and the atmosphere is a little weird, the heart and soul of Falling Down is alive and well. The menu seems solid, well-researched, and tweaked to perfection.  They make all the weird quirks work and thrive in their slightly odd environment. Don’t ask Falling Down to be anything other than what they are. Locals love the place for good reason, and a base of regulars keeps the tables filled. Though their negatives took away from the total score, I hope that Falling Down continues to be successful for years to come.

Sala’s Fortress of Bill-Paying Solitude.

Ratings:

Burger: 4.20
Service: 3.9
Atmosphere: 3.2
Value: 3.7
Overall Rating: 3.814

Erik: “Will definitely come back for beer, but food would be a special occasion. The price prevents me from making it a legitimate option.” 4.5/5

Carl: “The Gangsta Snarl” : “My baby stomach impeded my capacity for providing a proper review. DO NOT move the tables.” 3.7/5

Sala: “Would be more into it if I was a big beer fan. Not sure I will return soon, but I would recommend it. The location is out of my stomping grounds and I have an Indian restaurant nearby that I would visit first. I can only eat so much.” 3/5

D Conz: “Not a fan of the pork bites. However, the egg rolls were tasty. Loved the pretzel bun, pleasantly surprised by burger and fries, easily the highlight of the night. Definitely resembles a Wendy’s both with the outside brick and the inside layout. Next time maybe i’ll skip the “smoked pepper” beer.” 4/5

Bonnie: “First time eating a medium rare burger. I didn’t find my pickle until the end of the meal…it was hiding.” 4/5

Falling Down Beer Co.
2270 East 10 Mile Road, Warren, MI 48091
(586) 799-2739
www.fallingdownbeer.com

(photos by Erik. We need a real photographer.)